Welcome back to another exciting season of The Bachelor with “the most controversial” bachelor ever (not a virgin). Last night Nick Viall (which I just learned is pronounced ‘vial’ instead of the much more chic vey-all) stood in a cul-de-sac while 30 women stepped out of a limo and did very embarrassing stunts the producers goaded them into.
Today we take a look at the girls and the limo exits, try to learn their names and take a look at the season ahead.
Here’s how the girls did last night, ranked from least to most likely to make it to the end:
First episode boots
Angela, 26 — Model
Angela wears a red dress and says she’s really excited “that it’s Nick” and makes him promise to “come scoop her up” later. Nothing’s wrong with her introduction except maybe that this season everyone was wearing a red dress and promising Nick he’s the only Bachelor they would have wanted it to be.
Lauren, 30 — Law School Graduate
Lauren looks stunning but makes weird conversation with Nick about how unappealing (and slutty) their last names sound: Viall Hussy.
Michelle, 24 — Food Truck Owner
Michelle wears a boring navy dress and tells Nick a cliche (lets make lemons out of lemonade!). But also she is a food truck owner who didn’t bring Nick a little street taco to eat, so she should be kicked off just for that.
Ida Marie, 23 — Sales Manager
Ida Marie does a trust fall with Nick because “trust is very important to her.” It seems like a cute enough intro (and a great excuse to be in Nick’s arms for a hot second) but he sends her home at the end of the night. Perhaps their follow-up convo wasn’t that great.
Olivia, 25 — Sales Rep
Olivia shows up in a giant fur coat and looks STUNNING. She gives Nick an eskimo kiss and later gets sent home. I’m actually angry she got sent home because I really got excited to see if she’d whip out any more cool furs during the season. #HouseStark #WinterisComing
Briana, 28 — Nurse
Briana is a nurse and wants to listen to Nick’s heart which has been done before, but is still cute, but she’s still not picked.
Susannah, 26 — Account Manager
Susannah gives Nick a beard massage, which is cute, but kind of A Lot as a means of introducing yourself to someone. It’s very weird to massage someone’s face while they are looking at you and watching you massage their face.
Jasmine B, 25 — Flight Attendant
We barely even get to see Jasmine’s face. She gets to tell Nick that she’s Jasmine “like the flower” and then we never hear from her again.
Still Competing to be Mrs. Viall
Jaimi, 28 — Chef
Jaimi introduces herself by telling Nick “my hands are sweaty” and then telling Nick she has balls and putting in her nose ring. Can someone explain to me how she got a rose??? I’m infinitely curious about this one.
Christen, 25 — Wedding Videographer
Christen gets out of the limo in a yellow dress and does a little weird fan dance with a yellow fan. She tells Nick meeting him is like “meeting a celebrity” because she’s watched him on her TV — to which he responds “that’s super weird”.
Taylor, 23 — Mental Health Counselor
We see in her hometown flashback that Taylor is a mental health counselor. Which is weird because she has a very unsturdy grasp of social norms and what might be attractive vs. just plain creepy when meeting someone. She tells Nick that her girlfriends warned her that Nick is a “complete piece of shit” which puts her in the lose-lose situation of being someone with terrible friends whose opinions she doesn’t respect, or thinking Nick is a POS and coming on the show anyway.
Hailey, 23 — Photographer
I don’t think I need to leave any commentary here besides reminding you how Hailey introduced herself to Nick:
“Do you know what a girl who wears underwear says?”
Jasmine G, 26 — Pro Basketball Dancer
Jasmine brings Neil Lane out of the limo with her like a complete psycho. I know she thinks this is cute, but as a viewer watching at home I was creeped out. Nick keeps her (she’s super gorgeous, it helped I’m sure), but damn…
Brittany, 26 — Travel Nurse
Brittany says she knows Nick is dating a lot of other women so she wants to “make sure he’s clean”. Which, she knows the production company STI screens everyone, so it’s an irrelevant and weird thing to make a joke out of. Also not comfortable or sexy or endearing.
Kristina, 24 — Dental Hygienist
Kristina’s limo exit was barely shown. There was just a quick shot of her in a blue dress telling Nick that she hoped to get to know him.
Liz, 29 — Doula
Another of this season’s “villains”. We see in her hometown flashback that she met Nick at Jade and Tanner’s wedding and hooked up with him that night, only to reject him latter when he asked for her number. Inexplicably, she decides going on The Bachelor with 30 other women to try to win the heart of a guy she rejected is a good idea. She doesn’t introduce herself when she gets out of the limo, though later they have an awkward conversation about her past.
Liz seems psychotic, honestly.
Josephine, 24 — Nursing student
Josephine is totally nuts, in her hometown flashback at the beginning of the episode we see her aggressively petting/talking to her cat.
She tells Nick he looks dapper and then talks him into eating a lukewarm uncooked hot dog with her “lady and the tramp” style. Which is insane in a little bit more loveable way than showing up with Neil Lane. So there’s that.
Lacey, 25 — Digital Marketing Manager
Lacey arrives on a camel because she “likes to hump”.
Dominique, 25 — Server
Dominique introduces herself and promises Nick that “the fourth’s times a charm”. I wonder if she’s seen the marketing materials for this season?
Alexis, 23 — “Aspiring Dolphin Trainer”
In her hometown flashback we see her in a sumo suit, falling down on playground equipment, and waxing poetic about dolphins. She arrives in the limo in a shark costume that she insists is a dolphin costume. Shockingly, it’s not the most bizarre entrance of the night.
Nick tells her she has to keep the costume on all night or he’ll send her home. She gets a rose because, how can you not give someone a rose after making them wear a shark costume all night?
Whitney, 25 — Pilates Instructor
They don’t show Whitney’s limo exit at all. We see her briefly tell Nick “it’s good to finally be here” and then the cameras shift to Red Dress Gate inside the mansion.
Corinne, 24 — Business Owner
From the very beginning of Corinne’s hometown flashback we see she is being set up as the villain. She’s a rich bikini-ed blonde who has a nanny. But I kind of like Corinne.
Nick seems smitten with her when she gets out of the limo, though slightly taken aback later when he starts to get to know her (and she claims the first kiss). She gives him a hug token, and later a sack of hug tokens.
Raven, 25 — Fashion Boutique Owner
In Raven’s hometown flashback we see she’s from a small town where the only things that matter are “faith, family, and football.” She gets out of the limo and does a little cheerleader cheer. She’s from a totally different universe than Nick and I don’t know if she’s going to end up being his type, but I definitely think she’s going to be a fan favorite.
Danielle M, 31 — Neo-Natal Nurse
I can’t figure Danielle M out. She has such a strong, edgy style compared with a super soft, quiet voice and the job/personality of the prototypical Bachelor contestant. She tries to be sexy by feeding Nick maple syrup from her finger, but her hands are shaking the whole time. I wonder if she’s using the show as an opportunity to try to break out of her “sweet nurse” shell?
Astrid, 26 — Office Manager
Astrid works in a plastic surgery office and her whole manner of moving her body and speaking seems a little bit plastic too. She says some suggestive stuff to Nick in German and he seems super into it.
Sarah, 26 — Grade School Teacher
I actually thought Sara had the best entrance of the night. She put on a beautiful dress and tennis shoes and ran up to Nick, making a funny joke about them both being “runner-up”s. She also emphatically reassures him that he is “by no means a runner-up” to her.
Vanessa, 29 — Special Needs Teacher
Vanessa gets a peak at her home life at the beginning of the episode. She’s kind of being billed as a fan favorite already but she doesn’t seem especially warm or close to Nick’s emotional age (she seems like an old soul, Nick seems young). However Vanessa looks a lot like Andi Dorfman from some angles, so there’s that. When she walks into the house Nick says “that’s a keeper.”
Elizabeth, 24 — Marketing Manager
Elizabeth doesn’t get a lot of screen time, but it’s clear from the start that Nick is smitten with her. She doesn’t do anything corny, just seems extremely pleasant and into him — and it seems like he loves it.
Danielle L — 27 — Small Business Owner
Danielle got a hometown sneak peak at the beginning of the episode where we see she owns her own spas. She gets out of the limo in this STUNNING dress and probably secured a rose the exact second Nick saw her. I don’t think if you wear a dress like this there is any chance of you not getting a rose.
Look at the smile on Nick’s face as he watches her walk in:
Rachel Lindsey, 31 — Attorney
Rachel is an attorney from Dallas who got the very first hometown sneak peak of the episode. She also gets the first impression rose so she’s at the very top of my list today. She gets out of the limo a (the first!!) red dress, makes a joke about fantasy football, and later totally hits it off with Nick when they have some one-on-one time.
Burning questions for the upcoming season
Where is this date and who are all these girls that are still around???
Who gets this yacht kiss???
Where is this fishing date???
Who is dancing on the beach with Nick and why do they have exactly the same outfit on???
Nick and his first impression rose (Rachel) kissing in FINLAND???
How hyped are we all that Nick is joining the Backstreet Boys???
LOL Corinne’s going to take her top off in the pool in front of the other girls. No question, just LOL:
Nick makes out with a girl whose friends call him a POS???
Why is Liz such a psycho???
How many times will bb Nick cry???
Will Nick have a regretful hookup with Corinne???
How many ocean views will Nick pensively stare at while he ponders his mistakes and his future???
WILL NICK FIND LOVE™???
See you next week!