1. There are some things that are totally in a woman’s control:
Let’s take a walk down the hall of shame:
- Being boring.
- Being stuck up.
- Using her phone all the time during the date.
- Fetishizing my Asian ethnicity (yes, it can happen to guys too).
- Acting and talking arrogantly.
2. And there are some things that are out of your control:
The following reasons were due to other issues, but the girls themselves were good:
- Studying at a faraway college, and only visiting town every now and then.
- She went through a recent break-up and didn’t feel ready to commit.
- Moving to a different city or state.
- Moving to a different country.
- Home country was different (I met her while visiting that country).
3. For some guys it’s very basic stuff:
The deal breakers:
- Bad hygiene
- No purpose in life
4. It helps if you vet the big dealbreakers before you meet:
Found out she had a kid. I don’t want kids. So single moms are a big turn off.
5. This should go without saying, but don’t be a complainer.
The complainer/controller: By the time the first date ended, she had made 15 different complaints about me, and insisted that she’d change me. A couple that stand out, she didn’t like my beard. I shaved before the first date, and she kept complaining about it. The other, I had some logistics problems with my car that made it difficult for me to drive to her, and she both complained about that, and refused to drive to me, or even half way. The last straw: There was a lot of sex talk leading up to the first date, but when we actually met, she made it clear she was going home by herself, and while she did kiss me once, she didn’t do it a second time. Then she texted me later, complaining that I didn’t ask to come home with her, and then got offended when I mentioned making out.
The awkward/disinterested one: We met on Tinder, and she asked me to come to her apartment with food. When I got there she didn’t want the food, seemed to have no idea how to carry a conversation, and then started taking texts and phone calls. I left about 15 minutes after I arrived.
The clinger: After those last two dates, I publicly announced that I was taking a few months away from dating. This old friend from high school asked to hang out and commiserate as friends, but wound up trying to turn the situation romantic. I told her repeatedly that I wasn’t interested in a relationship, but against my better judgement, wound up sleeping with her. She spent the entire weekend attached to me, kept calling dibs on my time, and even though I was kind of blowing her off, tried to have the relationship talk with me. I said no, she didn’t believe me.
6. Sometimes the wishful thinking just wears off:
Seemed good at first but it turned out I had to ignore or overlook too many little annoying things in order to enjoy my time with her.
Sometimes you go into the first date blinded by desire, wishful thinking etc. As time goes your view of the situation clears up and you start seeing the problems. If there are too many red flags this will become apparent within a few dates and I decide to bail.
7. Try not to be completely heartless:
She called me stupid for giving a homeless man $5.
8. And don’t be a fucking weirdo.
On the second date she casually mentioned her husband. When I expressed concern over this (“whoa, what the fuck?!”) she told me that she had married her best friend when they turned 18 because, like, what even is marriage? It’s just a social construct, man.
9. He’s just not that into you:
He’s just not that into you.
If she has bad hygene, seems stuck up, seems boring, lied about her appearance, then the date wouldnt go past #1.
If it goes to date #2, I usually think I see a little bit of possibility. But if I end it after that, its because I discovered that my suspicions were wrong. I just didnt feel a spark.
10. Sometimes they really just are “too busy” ????
She was a really cool person! We had an awesome date and then life sort of got in the way…scheduling conflicts and whatnot. We kept talking for a couple weeks after the date but then we just sort of faded on each other.
11. He doesn’t think YOU’RE interested:
She didn’t seem to interested after two dates, so I didn’t bother asking for a third.
12. The sex was bad:
I wasn’t that into her in the first place and on the second date we were about do the nasty and she jerked my dick so hard that it hurt for like a week.
13. For every guy who’s superficial and picky, there’s this guy:
If I’m totally honest, I haven’t dumped many girls in my lifetime. I’ve been in many terrible relationships, but I’ve only ever dumped one girl and that was because she tried to control/manipulate me. Aside from that, I just like my girl to be human, have a pulse, and sleep on the other side of the bed to me, and put up with my shit..
Not really that picky.
14. Basically, learn how to make interesting conversation (and don’t be a racist):
Usually it’s because we just don’t connect, different world views, goals etc. Almost as common. She’s boring, can’t or won’t hold a conversation, gives one word answers. This indicates one of two things either she’s uninteresting or uninterested. Either way I’ll save us both the hassle.
She was late for our second date.
Was rude to the busboy, he dropped a fork or something on the floor while cleaning a table next to ours and she made some snide comment and then rolled her eyes and flinched every time he came by our table to help clear or serve plates.
One made an overtly racist comment and thought it was okay because “my dad got mugged by a ni**er.”
15. Again, don’t be a fucking weirdo:
She had cats. Eight of them.
16. Don’t make him feel like he’s fighting for your approval:
For guys, it can often feel like they are submitting themselves for judgement on the first couple of dates. I’m pretty much done with her if I feel I’m interviewing for the position of boyfriend.
Instead, the early dates should be about having a good time together to see if you are compatible.
17. Don’t smoke:
She was a smoker. But she also had great tits, so eventually I went back for a 4th and 5th. That was it though.
18. Be interested and interesting:
- She described herself as a “film and book nerd” but didn’t seem at all interested in talking about either.
- She was rude to the waiter for no good reason
- She didn’t show up for the first date and showed up 15 minutes late for the second. In hindsight, going on the second one was a dumb idea.
- She seemed like she really, really, really didn’t have any interest. Easily the most disappointing one. She was awesome, I met her through friends and they kept telling me she was crazy about me, but after 4 dates of not seeming interested and barely any communication outside I lost interest. Maybe it was some weird attempt at playing hard to get, but it certainly did nothing for me.
19. This should go without saying, but never talk about your ex:
Kept talking about her ex. We were good friends and I knew their history, but if you’re on a date, do not mention them.
20. There’s no chemistry:
The big thing is just lack of chemistry. That’s what those first few dates are for, if I don’t feel it there’s no point in continuing.
21. Seriously, don’t be a fucking weirdo:
I went out with a girl who drank 11 (???) beers over the course of our date, asked me too many questions about where I lived and “what window was mine”. She asked me for a ride home but ended up just having me drop her off at her weed dealers house.
22. In online dating, always use recent pics (and at least one full body). No surprises!
Because most of my dating was online, the biggest ones were those who misrepresented themselves in their profile. Pictures were several years old with significant weight gain, had some sort of undisclosed mental handicap leading to some awkward pauses, had zero consideration for being on time and just sitting there answering with just one word answers were some of the reasons I never pursued a second date.
23. Show up on time:
I am flexible with most things and can cut alot of people some slack, but i hate tardiness. went out with someone 3 times and every time we met up for the date she was late ; and not like 5-10 minutes late either.
24. It’s not all about looks:
Nothing to talk about was the main one. She was an NFL cheerleader and a smart girl, but we didn’t have much in common.
25. Don’t interview him:
Operates date like a job interview. You should be using the time to seduce me.
26. Everyone’s red flags are different:
She doesn’t at least offer to split the check.
27. Remember 1-3 dates is normal. You’ll find someone.
FYI, the vast majority of people you date you’ll only go out with 1-3 times. If you have more then 3 dates with someone, that’s uncommon, and should be considered the exception, not the norm.
- Not physically attracted to her
- Boring/shy/can’t hold her end of an interaction
- Doesn’t like my jokes/humor
- Unwilling to be spontaneous and try something new
- Didn’t offer to pay for her end of thing we did
- Talks about the future/where things are going/asks me what I think about her (All pretty big signs of insecurity)
Honestly there are so many reasons why I wouldn’t ask a girl out again, but none of them really matter because a girl should just do what she feels is natural for her. If you’re changing your behavior to try and make guys like you then you’re setting yourself up for failure. Ultimately you’ll never be able to be yourself around them and the relationship will never work. If you’re naturally shy, find a guy who likes shy girls. If you’re the type of person that sits on their phone all day, find a guy who doesn’t mind.