I’m Sorry It Seems Like I Hate You: 10 Things I Wish People Knew About Not Being ‘Bubbly’

1. We (falsely) associate being outgoing with being a good person.

The world loves bubbly, outgoing extroverts who can make small talk with anyone and instantly make you feel like you’re old friends. This is a great personality trait! But it’s one not everyone has and in its absence they have other gifts. Humans don’t have one size fits all personalities, it’s okay if your talents don’t knock people over the head the first time you meet.

2. Like ‘resting bitch face,’ sometimes the way we come across doesn’t mean what you think it does.

But people will assume that if you aren’t overly friendly and joking with them that you don’t like them or that you’re uptight or bitchy. It doesn’t matter how far from the truth it is, we seem to have a cookie cutter idea about what friendly, nice people are like to interact with. Bubbly people light up the room with their personality, and ours inevitably seem harsh because they are less immediately expressive.

3. Random people like hairdressers and taxi drivers will think you hate them.

It’s not you… it’s just that some people (like me) need to take Small Talk As A Second Language classes. I don’t know how to get joy out of relating to people in tiny little surface level conversations. I’m an all or nothing person in this regard, if we can’t or won’t have a meaningful conversation about something interesting, I’m totally fine basking in the rare luxury of silence.

4. It’s okay to be focused on what you are doing.

And sometimes, like when I’m at the gym, I’m just not in the mood to joke around. I’m here to work and then leave. This ain’t a tea party for me. I hate when instructors poke and prod me to ‘lighten up’ or cheer or do anything other than what I feel like doing, which is be focused on the task at hand.

5. Some people simply aren’t as light-hearted as others.

I will joke around with my friends, and I appreciate humor when I’m in the mood for it. But if you’re trying to joke around with me while I’m working or in line at the grocery store, it’s going to fall flat. People love to call this being uptight. I like to think of it as having decorum. People like Steve Jobs and Hilary Clinton aren’t known for their ability to chill, they’re known for what they’ve accomplished.

This is how differing human personalities come together to work as a team. Some people are there to entertain, and some people are there to get shit done.

6. Our affection means more, because we do it deliberately.

Because I’m so serious about the things that are important to me, I focus on making people in my life feel special instead of counting on my non-existent charm to send the message. I send Christmas cards and thank you notes religiously. I tell people when I think they are gifted in a particular area. I show up to support friend’s events and buy people’s books/art when they create something. Though fewer and farther between, I put more thought into the way I affirm people.

7. We have excellent manners.

Taking things a bit more seriously includes being a stickler about showing respect. We won’t be late when we say we are going to meet you at a certain time. We will RSVP ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and never ‘maybe.’ We’ll follow through and do the thing we said we’d do. We aren’t going to blow something off because we got swept up in the moment or a better offer came along.

8. As slow as we are to humor, we’re even slower to anger.

I can’t think of the last time I rose my voice in anger. It’s not something I ever do. It just seems so unnatural and uncivilized but it’s the same perspective we have from our emotional reactions that make us bad at being bubbly that make us great at not flying off the handle.

9. We don’t do ice breakers.

I think I speak for a good chunk of the population when I say I hope the person who invented ice breakers died a slow and painful death. People should be introduced through a well thought out introduction made by the mutual party. They shouldn’t be left on their own like a bunch of animals.

10. We don’t think we are better than anyone else.

People with more serious personalities are often viewed as stuck up. But seeing how appreciated bubbly people are, we know we simply have different (and complimentary) strengths and weaknesses. If we’re running a business, we need to partner up with someone who can woo clients as much as they need a partner who could sit quietly at a desk and power through days worth of work in one sitting. Grace always works better with gravitas, and vice versa.