Hockey players are people who are not afraid to fight. If you’re a passive person (or passive aggressive) this is not going to work out for you. For whatever reason the sport also tends to attract horny people and they are constantly trying to “slip one in the net,” so to speak. Frequent misbehavior means you’ll often be banishing them to the penalty box. You should also be aware that they have a high tolerance for body odor. Ever smelled a hockey locker room?
The word “lacrosse” sounds so elegant and French, but its players are brutish cavemen who somehow survived the last Ice Age. They’re sort of like hockey players, but more psychotic.
The cross-country girl or guy is terminally chill and hard to pin down. They’re used to being independent and doing their own thing; it’s very hard for them to settle down and invest in a partnership. Like Carrie Bradshaw, they need to run until they find someone just as wild to run with.
Cheerleaders can make great partners because they’re the kind of people that enjoy being nice and supporting others. The problem can be that they are indiscriminate in doing so. They pick the wrong people. They stay with the wrong people. They give too many chances. They give where they aren’t getting, and do it all with a smile.
Track and Field
They’re always running from commitment. When it comes to sex, they are all too often sprinters rather than marathon runners. You’ll occasionally find a guy who knows how to “throw the javelin,” but in general, dating them often presents too many hurdles.
Even if they’re American, they’ll hate you for being an American. Sometimes you can spend hours with them and not score once. They are literally totally fine with not making progress and it’s infuriating. And they’ll cry foul on almost everything you do.
Wrestlers are disciplined and individualistic. The problem with them is that they can be so serious. Even when they are joking on the surface you wonder what inner-struggle they aren’t expressing. And they never do express it, they prefer to work things out on their own. If you can get one to soften to you, they’ll be the best partner in the world, it’s just that getting there will be an uphill battle.
They are obnoxious to date because at first they will woo you to their favorite past time by taking you to baseball games, which is really fun. There’s beer and sunshine and people cheering. But as they get more comfy with you they’ll expect you to watch baseball on TV which is a blatant bait and switch as baseball on TV is ungodly boring to an almost humiliating degree. It’s like, when you first started going out with them, they’d hit home run after home run. After a while, they act as if it’s a chore if you even ask them to bunt. Also, they tend to be emotionally available only in the summer.
Football players can be boring because every guy, be default, is a football player. It’s the path of least resistance. However, like when people tease girls for being basic bitches they misunderstand that there’s a lot about being regular and normal that’s pretty sweet. They’re likely to share your values and not offend you, they’re easy to understand, they aren’t overly complicated or mysterious just for the sake of being mysterious. They are comfortable. More candidly, football players think of themselves as physical and blunt. They’re all about going for it on fourth-and-long. They won’t settle for a field goal (that’s probably a handjob or something). It’s a Hail Mary, or nothing else. If you’re looking for something more than an easy, comfortable love and a football player comes on to you, the best advice is to punt.
You’ll fall for a swimmer because of their amazing body — swimmers are one of the few kinds of high school athletes that actually keep up with their sport after graduation — and stick around if you can handle their weird sense of humor. The problem with swimmers is that it’s hard to get them to let you into their life. They’re fine doing things on their own, they already have a group of close friends — where do you fit in? There’s a lot of insecurity in trying to be with someone who doesn’t necessarily need to be with anyone.
Golfers are conservative and cautious, yet they’re known to give it their all. Most of the times, what they do seems effortless, but really, it’s a battle of mental strength and acuity. They are quiet and detail driven, which is great if you’re of a similar disposition but can be alienating if you aren’t. It also takes a long time to figure them out. When you’re with a golfer, take the time to make sure they’re not an a-hole in one.
Although basketball players may be weak-kneed from years of playing on the court, they have an incredible sense of buildup and they’ll bring you to your knees. Their big hands will keep you entertained for hours. Nothin’ but net on this one.
Girls who played volleyball are high-maintenance, competitive, and ambitious. The mistakes they make in dating are along these lines: they’re picky because they only want the best (and they’re willing to work for it), they’re used to getting their way for the small price of a pouty face and a flip of their hair, and they’re plagued by constant thoughts of “am I settling?” If you’re willing to put in the work and be with someone who will call you on your shit, they are a good match. As a bonus they also like to look good, even when they’re getting down and dirty.