I Guess I Just Don’t Care What People Have To Offer Me Anymore

Brittani Lepley
Brittani Lepley

A controversial opinion right now might be, “I really love men.” And I don’t mean this in a really boring everyone one else is a manhating feminist way, I mean that we’re all really hard on each other (and ourselves). Men aren’t giving us what we want, women aren’t what men today thought they were signing up for when they were taught chivalry. Whatever.

I guess I just don’t care what people have to offer me anymore. I offer myself enough, I am full up.

I can give away whatever I want now. I can love someone without waiting to see what they can do for me first, whether they hold the door or worship me or make a lot of money. I can love someone just because.

I don’t care about gender wars, we all lose and I am not even interested in winning. Winning a war isn’t winning, not having to fight in the first place is winning. Not caring about being more or less powerful than someone else is winning. Loving someone who doesn’t deserving is winning because it says “I have so much to give, I don’t need to worry I will waste my supply of this ineffable and unending substance.” And I do.

There’s a new theory about ethics that all ethics are phony, that all the time and energy we spend studying and debating ethical questions are really time and energy we spend trying to reduce the guilt we feel for avoiding our moral obligations, obligations we know innately and don’t have to debate. I believe in that. I think people are like that.

We can be mad at men and women all we want to because of our own dating problems in the past, but when someone is standing in front of you, you love them in whatever way you can. If you have ever felt lonely at least, you have enough compassion in you that you don’t make other people feel that way. You pass them along with a cushioned hand so that even if they must move on they do so with the knowledge that they are loved and lovable.

I can’t be a normal person who thinks that I need to find a man who deserves me. What does that mean? I don’t care about deserving. Thanks but no thanks. Let me give until I am depleted. TC mark

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