1. The morning is a bit of a war zone. You love your SO very much, but you also invested in a timed coffee maker because you know they only become their best self after they get a cup of coffee down. That’s okay, it can be a fun excuse to slow down in the mornings and actually eat breakfast too. You’ve also, on occasion, kicked them out of bed to go get a fix and told them not to come back until they’re properly caffeinated.
2. Mentioning your favorite chain coffee shop is like discussing politics. You just don’t do it. Tempers will flair, feelings will be hurt, and no one will exit the conversation happily.
3. They have introduced you to the wide world of non-liquid coffee foods. Unbeknownst to you there is a whole spectrum of ways to funnel delicious caffeine into your body: coffee ice cream, coffee-crusted steak, or you can just cut to the chase and munch on some dark chocolate covered espresso beans.
4. At the beginning of the relationship you made the mistake of drinking the coffee they made. Wayyy too strong. Now you add a bit of water, or at least a lot of cream. They tease you for it, but you’d rather have functioning taste buds than pride.
5. Any activity you plan to do in the morning requires that you schedule in an additional 15 minutes in for a coffee run.
6. They are truly a cheap date. They are perfectly happy to grab a coffee and walk around the neighborhood or a nearby lake or park. One great thing about coffee lovers is that they can do almost any activity with a coffee and stop and enjoy the moment with you.
7. They have a special mug, and you can use it at risk of death or bodily injury.
8. When you are traveling, their eyes are always looking around the block where your hotel is to see where they are going to get their fix. Hotel coffee is only an option under extreme duress.
9. It’s not uncommon to find them in the middle of an important work project with their desk littered with 7-10 different cups. Big projects require sustenance, and sustenance = coffee.
10. They basically turn their nose up at every beverage that isn’t coffee. A few glasses of water throughout the day are great, but they can’t understand why anyone would — god forbid — chose tea when they could be drinking precious, delicious coffee.
11. It’s never “too late” for coffee. This, you’ve been informed, is a myth. You can be walking home from somewhere at 10pm and they’ll want to stop in for a caffeinated night cap. Or worse, they have an espresso machine at home which you reluctantly (and with much sleep deprivation) become addicted to as well.
12. Once when they kissed you while you were drinking coffee you strongly suspected they were motivated by the taste of your mouth and not by their affection for you.
13. You know they may leave you for their first and primary love, their barista, at any moment.