1. Marrying for love, not expectations.
I’m going to get married when it’s something I want to do, not because you’re supposed to. I’ve seen too many people get anxiety because they’ve been dating for three years and they don’t have a ring on it. Or, a lot of people get anxiety because they’re 27 and they don’t have “adult” things like a house and a grown-up job and a husband/wife. If you don’t feel like an adult, simply obtaining adult things won’t change that, which is why now, after the wedding, after getting a house, all the people who had that anxiety still have it.
2. Having a financially responsible ceremony.
The average wedding costs $25k. There are many, many things I would do with $25,000, having a wedding is not one of them. It’s just not financially responsible for the vast majority of people. That’s a down payment on a house.
3. Not hiring a wedding photographer.
Wedding photos are a weird abyss of one-up-manship that no one can win and I don’t want to have competitive winning/losing feelings about my wedding. Plus, it’s ridiculously expensive to get great photos and just… not worth it when you consider that the best photos are ones you take in the moment, when you’re happy. Even if your wedding photographer takes pics where you look happy and in the moment, those aren’t the memories it will evoke. You’ll remember trying all night to make sure you get that one great shot. A decent photographer starts at $2,500 — for that money you could go on a great vacation together and take a ton of candid (and genuine) shots of each other with your iPhone cameras.
4. Not having bridesmaids.
Okay, I’m going to have bridesmaids because my best friends are just too precious to me. However, they’ll wear their own dresses (they have great taste, I trust them). I won’t make them do random chores for me like picking out the groomsmen socks. They’ll just show up and toast to the happy couple in a very sincere, friendly type of way. Nothing forced, nothing fake.
5. My dogs will be my flower girl/ring bearer
Because, come on. That is freaking adorable, and my dogs deserve to be part of my wedding, they are always there for me.
6. Having a very short service.
I’m catholic, so having a wedding ceremony is special to me. However, I am inviting people who are not catholic or religious and they shouldn’t have to sit through an hour and a half ceremony they don’t understand the importance of just to wish me well. A great wedding ceremony is 20 minutes long.
7. Zero kitsch.
There will be no mustaches for people to wear. No chalkboards. No Pinterest crafts. It’s a personal preference I think from being a millennial and preferring clean, minimal design. Plus, that’s a lot of time and money that really isn’t the point of getting married or having a party, for me.
8. Not asking for gifts.
I’m already asking people to travel to me and sit through a wedding ceremony. It feels gauche to ask for presents on top of that. I’m in love, clearly, and it’s not 1950/I’m not 18 and just starting my life. I already have a blender and a toaster, it’s not like I need people to give me stuff for my life. That’s not the point. It costs, on average, $592 to go to a wedding — before you buy a gift. I just want to have fun with my friends, that is enough.
9. The dress.
Not interested. Not even a little bit. It’s not because I hate fashion or I don’t want to look nice, it’s because it doesn’t matter. I’ll wear a friend’s or my sister’s gown if they’ll allow me to borrow it. I can’t spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on a garment I’m going to wear one time. In no universe is that a wise decision.
10. The groom.
My mom loves to watch the show Four Weddings — where four brides go to each other’s weddings and judge each other based on four categories: dress, venue, food, and overall experience. The obvious question is, what about the groom? Isn’t that the most important part of getting married for a woman? That’s the category that matters, and the only one that carries any weight in your actual life. It’s the only category I really care to be judged on — what kind of person do I choose to spend my life with?