19 Cool Dick Accessories

1. Willy Warmer

Willy Warmer
Willy Warmer

For the man in your life with a cold penis here is a specialty knit product designed to keep his manhood snuggly. Comes in “hunter red” color so you know it’s masculine. “It’s a heater for your Peter!”

2. Peni-Colada Jello Shot Syringes

Peni-Colada Jello Shot Syringes
Peni-Colada Jello Shot Syringes

Keep your dick company with 15 plastic dicks filled with alcohol! It’s a party outside your pants!

3. How to Live with a Huge Penis

How To Live with a Huge Penis
How To Live with a Huge Penis

If you truly care about your dick, you’d want this book to place nonchalantly on your coffee table so that people in your life are aware of your monster schlong.

4. Penis toaster

The Penis Toaster
The Penis Toaster

This toaster looks like any other toaster but burns an image of a penis into your toast. Serve it to your friends or that special lady in your life. Pro tip: women love it when you have cookware like this, extra points if you get creative with the placing of butter on the toast.

5. Cock freshener

Zero Tolerance Cock Cologne
Zero Tolerance Cock Cologne

Ever get that “not so fresh” feeling? Here’s a product the penis owner on the go.

6. Foamy alien doll?

Universal Upgrade Kit Accesory for Penis Hybrid Adult Novelty
Universal Upgrade Kit Accesory for Penis Hybrid Adult Novelty

I think this is a toy you stick your dick inside.

7. Dick Plumper Extreme

Evolved Novelties Dick Plumper Extreme, 4 Ounce
Evolved Novelties Dick Plumper Extreme, 4 Ounce

My biggest complain about this product is that its name is not stylized as “XXXtreme.”

8. Fake Nutz

Truck Balls Bull Nuts Fake Nutz 8" Tall Flesh
Truck Balls Bull Nuts Fake Nutz 8″ Tall Flesh

The ad boasts “great vein structure” so these seem like premium fake balls. Possible uses: putting outside your pants and then zipping it up and running out of the bathroom in order to convince your friend you zipped your penis off.

9. The dick towel

Dick Towel - Black
Dick Towel – Black

It’s Always Sunny fans and ex fraternity guys alike will love this towel that makes it look like you are naked and have a huge schlong.

10. Cock extender

If your penis is small, you can apparently wear a dildo tip during intercourse. Sexy.

11. Ultimate cock cage

Ultimate Cock Cage (Smoke)
Ultimate Cock Cage (Smoke)

I’m scared, actually.

12. Penis, A Collection of Essays

Thought Catalog
Thought Catalog

A Thought Catalog book for people with dicks and people interested in people with dicks.

13. Brass balls

Brass Balls Keyring
Brass Balls Keyring

The perfect gift to give your girlfriend on a very special occasion. Present on bended knee in a small box. She’ll think you are proposing and it will be HILLARIOUS.

14. Penis weights

Dumbbell workouts Toy for Men
Dumbbell workouts Toy for Men

Suddenly your gym seems ill equipped for the type of exercises that really matter.

15. Utilitarian penis costume

1 pc beer schlong plaid suspender shorts w/attached schlong s/m
1 pc beer schlong plaid suspender shorts w/attached schlong s/m

The penis part of this costume unzips so you can store two cans of beer in there. I suggest a Bud Light Lime for you and a Cranberita for your lady.

16. Men’s penis sheath

P&o Invisible Sexy Solid Pouch Men\'s C-String Underwear Penis Sheath
P&o Invisible Sexy Solid Pouch Men\’s C-String Underwear Penis Sheath

I googled “what is a penis sheath” after reading the extremely unhelpful product description and apparently a penis sheath is another way of saying foreskin so I’m not sure what this cloth accessory is for. I think it’s for guys who have a giant bulge and are trying to be modest.

17. 4D-Vision Male Reproductive Anatomy Model

Famemaster 4D-Vision Human Male Reproductive Anatomy Model
Famemaster 4D-Vision Human Male Reproductive Anatomy Model

Okay, this is in all sincerity really cool. Imagine being at the bar wooing girls to come home with the promise of showing them your 4-d penis model. Seems slick.

18. Penis Enlargement Hypnosis

It’s only $0.99, what could possibly go wrong?

19. Dick lipstick

Lips Dick-real Lipstick
Lips Dick-real Lipstick

It looks like regular lipstick but it’s shaped like a penis. It’s funny because you put it on your mouth. TC mark

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