John Dillinger was killed behind that theater in a hale of FBI gunfire. And do you know who tipped them off? His fucking girlfriend. All he wanted to do was go to the movies. Rob

Dick: I guess it looks as if you’re reorganizing your records. What is this though? Chronological?
Rob: No…
Dick: Not alphabetical…
Rob: Nope…
Dick: What?
Rob: Autobiographical.
Dick: No fucking way.

What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music? Rob

I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like… Books, records, films – these things matter. Call me shallow but it’s the fuckin’ truth, and by this measure I was having one of the best dates of my life. Rob

Penny was great looking and her top five recording artists were Carly Simon, Carole King, James Taylor, Cat Stevens and Elton John. Rob

If you really wanted to screw me up, you should’ve gotten to me earlier. Rob

We’re no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We’re on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five. Barry

Rob: Just c’mon. What would it mean to you, that sentence – “I haven’t seen Evil Dead II, yet”?
Barry: Well, to me it would mean you were a liar. You’ve seen it twice: once with Laura – Oops! – and once with me and Dick, remember? We had that conversation about the guy making Beretta shotgun ammunition offscreen in the 14th century.

Hey, I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but I’m certainly not the dumbest. I mean, I’ve read books like “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” and “Love in the Time of Cholera”, and I think I’ve understood them. They’re about girls, right? Just kidding. But I have to say my all-time favorite book is Johnny Cash’s autobiography “Cash” by Johnny Cash. Rob

Oh, that’s not obvious enough Rob. How about the Beatles? Or fucking… fucking Beethoven? Side one, Track one of the Fifth Symphony… How can someone with no interest in music own a record store? Barry

I lost it. I lost it all- faith, dignity… about 15 pounds. Rob

Don’t tell anyone you don’t own “Blonde on Blonde”. It’s gonna be okay. Barry

Some people never got over Vietnam or the night their band opened for Nirvana. I guess I never got over Charlie. Rob

Rob: Liking both Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel is like supporting both the Israelis and the Palestinians.
Laura: No, it’s really not, Rob. You know why? Because Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel make pop records.
Rob: Made. Made. Marvin Gaye is dead. His father shot him.

Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains. Rob

Charlie, you fucking bitch. Let’s work it out. Rob

I get by because of the people who make a special effort to shop here – mostly young men – who spend all their time looking for deleted Smith singles and original, not rereleased – underlined – Frank Zappa albums. Fetish properties are not unlike porn. I’d feel guilty taking their money, if I wasn’t… well… kinda one of them. Rob

Laura: Listen, Rob, would you have sex with me? Because I want to feel something else than this. It either that, or I go home and put my hand in the fire. Unless you want to stub cigarettes out on my arm.
Rob: No. I only have a few left, I’ve been saving them for later.
Laura: Right. It’ll have to be sex, then.
Rob: Right. Right.

Barry: Holy shit. What the fuck is that?
Dick: It’s the new Belle and Sebastian…
Rob: It’s a record we’ve been listening to and enjoying, Barry.
Barry: Well, that’s unfortunate, because it sucks ass.

She didn’t make me miserable, or anxious, or ill at ease. You know, it sounds boring, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t spectacular either. It was just good. But really good. Barry

Rob, top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the ’80s and ’90s. Go. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away? Barry

Barry: OK, buddy, uh, I was just tryin’ to cheer us up so go ahead. Put on some old sad bastard music, see if I care.
Rob: I don’t wanna hear old sad bastard music, Barry, I just want something I can ignore.
Barry: Here’s the thing. I made that tape special for today. My special Monday morning for *you*… special.
Rob: Well, it’s fuckin’ Monday afternoon! You should get out of bed earlier!

Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition. Rob

And If I want to find the song “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac I have to remember that I bought it for someone in the fall of 1983 pile, but didn’t give it to them for personal reasons. Rob

I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and… I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that’s suicide. By tiny, tiny increments. Rob

Customer: Hi, do you have the song “I Just Called To Say I Love You?” It’s for my daughter’s birthday.
Barry: Yea we have it.
Customer: Great, Great, can I have it?
Barry: No, no, you can’t.
Customer: Why not?
Barry: Well, it’s sentimental tacky crap. Do we look like the kind of store that sells I Just Called to Say I Love You? Go to the mall.

I could’ve wound up having sex back there. And what better way to exorcise rejection demons than to screw the person who rejected you, right? But you wouldn’t be sleeping with a person, you’d be sleeping with the whole sad, single-person culture. It’d be like sleeping with Talia Shire in Rocky if you weren’t Rocky. Rob

Rob: Barry, you’re over 30 years old. You owe it to yourself, to your friends, to your parents, NOT to play in a band called Sonic Death Monkey!
Barry: I owe it to myself to go RIGHT to the edge, Rob! And this band does exactly that. Over the edge, in fact!

Customer: Do you have Soul?
Rob: That all depends.