Wanna know what’s going on in the head of a girl you’re sleeping with casually? It’s this. Spot on.
Excerpt: Don’t try to be good in bed. You’re not good in bed. We’re good in bed. Right, or we’re not, but let’s stay positive (not that kind of positive). We’re in this together. While it all happens you’re just a boy and I’m just a girl and we’ve been doing this since we were naked in gardens in some ancient sacral text.
If you read it in a magazine, don’t do it.
If your ex-girlfriend liked it, do it.
I remember reading this article back in 2011 and saying “Um, WAHT?!?” I thought: I am never giving a blowjob again if I have to go through all that work and sometimes it feels “like air,” or whatever.
I was existing in a Cosmo bubble where everyone kept telling me “guys like everything!” Though, on further reflection, I think this is a thing guys tell you because a shitty BJ is probably better than no BJ.
This was a cool and interesting perspective, I think.
A humorous, straightforward guide for girls on how to have great sex. Hint: a guy who tries to give you a hickey is NOT a guy who knows how to give you good sex.
Excerpt: Find a guy who is good in bed. HA! GOTCHA! Keep reading moron.
Excerpt: Sex is funny. Sex is gross. Sex is awkward. Sex is embarrassing. Somebody is going to squirt something in the wrong place or fart or sneeze and have a whole lot of snot come out. Don’t take it so seriously!
They should email this article out to all the kids when they take sex ed.
Sex isn’t always making love while “Take My Breathe Away” plays in the background! This is a groundbreaking concept we all learn at some point—and the sooner we learn it, the sooner we can enjoy what sex really is like.
Excerpt: I experienced something once called “triangle dick.” No one believes me but it was legit shaped like a triangle. I can’t tell you what I did with it because I blacked the whole experience out, out of terror and anxiety. I wanted to run away and then I couldn’t hold it like normal because it was shaped so weird. Yeah, the rest of this memory is blocked out.
I’m going to go ahead and second that this is the mindset of the BJ giver. Read if you want to relate or if you’re curious about how someone feels when they’re S-ing your D.
Excerpt: Giving an impromptu blow job pretty much grants automatic street cred to the dick sucker; and in that way, it’s a total win-win. He’s gonna get his dick sucked; I’m gonna get off on controlling his mind, body, and penis for the next ~20 minutes. There are no losers here.
This should be mandatory reading for high school graduates.
Excerpt: If you have a doctor who shames you about your sexuality, get a new doctor. Yes please! Another article sex ed teachers need in their arsenal. This is an informative, vital article on the 101 concepts of being a sexually active person today.
Stop 69ing people. Seriously.
Well actually, do whatever makes you happy. But heads up: it’s not as sexy as it seems in your head.
If you want to feel better about the casual sex you are having, this article is essential reading.
Before there was Adrian Brody, there was Marie Calloway’s virginity. I read this before I knew who Marie Calloway was and I remember feeling very affectionate towards her because this essay is so much better than anything I’d read in my whole reading-about-sex history on losing your virginity. When I lost mine, I feel dumb for a long time because it wasn’t special and that was embarrassing somehow.
This is what it actually feels like when you lose your virginity and it isn’t to the quarterback of the football team or your boyfriend of two years.
This is the realest thing: “then two of his fingers went into my vagina and it hurt tremendously. my eyes snapped shut and i started to moan both from pain and out of feeling an obligation to make him think i was enjoying it, and feeling like i wanted to excite him by moaning and groaning.”
Learn them, live them:
Golden Rule No. 1: No spitting.
Golden Rule No. 2: If it came out of your body, you shouldn’t be grossed out by it.
Golden Rule No. 3: Don’t ask to receive if you’re not prepared to give.
Not for the squeamish, but a fascinating read for those who are either into playing with body fluids or are curious about people who do.
Excerpt: The desire to consume his bodily fluids seems totally obvious to me, as it’s just another way of getting at what’s “inside him,” or whatever cheesy way you want to put it. We all know what it feels like to want to be so close to someone that merely pressing yourself up against their body is not enough, and the only way to achieve the desired level of closeness would be to literally cut them open and crawl inside their ribcage, submerge yourself in all the weird junk that lives beneath their skin. Or, alternatively, to drink their blood/piss/sweat/spit/whatever.
Excerpt: To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth — I count that something of a miracle. -Henry Miller
Excerpt: Getting your ass penetrated should be a prerequisite for life because it’s an experience that teaches humility and encourages teamwork.
One half tutorial and one half description. Highly recommend for anyone curious about how it feels or interested in trying it out.
This is probably the most relatable question on earth: Am I good at sex stuff? Well, like manna from heaven here is the answer to your fervent prayers.
Excerpt: If you are the kind of person who generally makes people feel like they are wearing a too-tight wool sweater in a hot room, it doesn’t bode well for your more amorous touching later in the evening.
10 things it’s pretty impossible not to hate about sex, for even the most sex-crazed individuals.
For women: It’s hard to let go of control, and let someone see your pussy up close. They could think it’s gross. We’ve all heard people express that opinion. There’s a lot of mental junk that gets in the way of your orgasm when it comes to getting eaten out—that’s normal. Enjoy this article. I hope this helps you to relax and encourages you in your future getting-off endeavors.
For men: realize this is a real anxiety a lot of women feel. The more you can do to assuage their fears, the sooner (and better) her O will be.
You know you’re curious.
Excerpt: I’ve been with guys who are less afraid of herpes. “Hey, let’s do it without a condom, girl I barely know,” now tell me, guy, how is risking contracting a STI so much more appealing to you than having sex with a woman who is menstruating?
Kat George goes on to promise men (and women) everywhere that period sex is always worth the (less than expected) mess: “Mark my word, this girl is going to ride you in ways that Ginuwine only sung about.”
To any men hoping to get laid on the reg: read up.
Excerpt: Lowered inhibitions that tell you things such as “having sex on top of this washing machine while it’s turning is a perfectly good idea, even if I destroy it completely and have to use the laundromat for the foreseeable future.”
Excerpt: What I felt after completing the list: Satisfied for having completed a task, surprised at how many details I remember, surprised at how passive I’ve been, detached from myself, angry at myself a little bit, self-pity a little bit, sad about failed relationships, happy remembering some moments/times of my life, irrationally hopeful, glad that I’m not in the past, puzzled at why I divert to other people to decide things about my personal safety, relieved that I don’t have AIDS or children.
If reading this list has made you sexually frustrated, here’s the silver lining.