You will be 100 times happier as a person if you stop viewing each of your partner’s characteristics as if they have an intrinsic value. We all know, consciously that “nobody is perfect.” We like flaws, but we want the type of flaws that we think are cute. No one will ever fit your mold perfectly, accept that.
There can be good and bad aspects of their personality, but most things shouldn’t be looked at on this scale. Most things aren’t either good or bad, they just are. They’re simply facts: pieces of information about reality. They have no value in and of themselves. Your reaction to them is what causes your dissatisfaction, not their existence.
For example, if you are an introvert dating an extrovert it can be annoying to see how much your partner values interacting with other people when you would like to stay home and have quality time. Some extroverts value new people because they get a new burst of energy from interacting with them, but it seems disloyal to people who are wired differently. You don’t like this and that is where the problem arises-not with the existence of the trait but with your reaction to it. Accept this quality as reality and the obstacle to being happy with this person will dissolve.
Another common dating situation is that one person likes the other significantly more. Sometimes one person cares about you less than you care about them, it doesn’t make them better or you worse, it’s simply the circumstance you find yourself in. This isn’t something it’s possible to “fix,” it’s just a fact. If this is unacceptable to you, you can leave (see #3) but otherwise acceptance is the only way to move forward.
2. Fix problems
This sounds like a no-brainer but few people actually do this because it is easier/more fun to complain. Like, all my married male friends complain to me about how they are unhappy with the amount/style of sex they are getting. It’s inappropriate. For starters I don’t think they should put their wives down. They are coming to me to say “how ridiculous” is this so that I can get on their side and they can feel “right” without actually having to do anything. It puts this tiny unhealthy wedge between you and your SO when you try to get people to be on your side, rather than trying to be on each other’s.
If you’re facing a situation where acceptance would be inappropriate, for instance if your partner has embarrassing temper tantrums, you need to fix the problem. What steps can you and/or your partner take to ensure that they respond to frustrating situations in a more mature manner? Identify solutions and execute them.
This is it. If you can’t accept it and you can’t fix it you need to get out. Unless, of course, your goal is to follow secret option #4: stay unhappy.
Don’t wait until things get worse. Nothing will change. Nothing will magically make you happy in another six months if the situation (your ability to accept, your partner’s desire to work) doesn’t go one of these two ways.