6 Wikipedia Articles That Will Crush Your Boner
Vorarephilia
Cannibal fetishes are a thing, I guess. I generally don’t think about weird fetishes because I feel like you can do whatever you want to in your own bedroom and it’s none of my business. But eating people?!? I’m scared. See also: too real.
Death erection
You can get a boner after you are dead. Current emotion: 2 bleak 2 bone.
Penile fracture
WARNING: this Wikipedia article contains a photo of a fractured penis. Worse warning: this could happen to you. You could just be having sex and then all of a sudden ‘POP!’ Worst life event, ever. Good news for the ladies, however, if you accidently break a guy’s penis during sex, he probably won’t be able to sue you.
Atretochoana
This animal is also known as the “penis snake.” It isn’t a snake technically, just some mysterious amphibian with no arms, legs, or lungs. It might breathe through it’s skin but it’s so rare scientists really aren’t sure yet. Hetero ladies and gay men: your sex experience will be ruined forever if you look at pictures of the penis snake, you guys should skip this one and just keep reading.
Herpes
STIs are all scary to varying degrees, but Herpes is scary in its ubiquitousness. (Almost) everyone has herpes. In sex ed we learned this was a nasty, scary thing that gives you sores for life. In reality, it’s not very scary and most people never know they have it. The worst part of having herpes seems to be telling people you have herpes, but social humiliation is still pretty boner crushing.
Creed
Because no one can maintain a boner while reading about Scott Stapp. Challenge extended.