This Is The ‘Drive-Me-Insane’ Way That I Love You

I loved you, but not in the capital L-O-V-E, scream it from the rooftops, kiss on the sidewalk during a rain storm kind of way. With you, it was the you’re my best friend and you make my heart smile and oh God, please never leave my side kind of love.

With you, it was the this is dangerous territory and this will break you into a million tiny pieces and silly girl, don’t you know, he’ll never look at you that way, so why bother kind of love. The kind of love that was trouble from the start. The kind of love that is still trouble now.
Like a scar that will never fully fade, it lingers beneath my skin, and in my mind, and on the deepest, darkest part of my heart. Love like a ball and chain or maybe an addiction. Love that wages a constant war, that bleeds ink, that swallows me up like a tidal wave. Love that never really goes away.

Love that somehow remains even though you are gone. Insomnia-inducing love, you hurt me but I still miss you love, I know we can never get back what we had and it kills me love, if you just would’ve given me the chance, I could’ve loved you for real love, you built me up, then broke me love.

I loved you then and I love you now and maybe you’ll forever be my best mistake.

For Chris.