Keith Richards And I Are Twins

Keith Richards is an only child.

I am an only child.

Keith Richards fell out of a coconut tree and got a concussion.

I was hit in the face with a combination lock and got a concussion.

Keith Richards has been tried on five drug related charges.

I once consumed a pot brownie and fell asleep after thinking my knees were magnets.

Keith Richards wants to be a librarian.

I want to be a librarian.

Keith Richards was punched in the face by Chuck Berry and given a black eye.

I fell off the toilet in 1994 and was given a black eye by a toilet paper dispenser.

Keith Richards lives in Connecticut.

I live in Connecticut.

Keith Richards was awake for nine days straight because of…well, drugs…and on day nine he passed out and fell face first into his amp and broke his nose.

I was awake for six days straight because I was convinced I had gastroenteritis and on day six I locked myself out of my dorm and had no choice but to go see Scream 4 alone at the movie theatre.

Keith Richards can play guitar.

I could play the saxophone in 1999.

Keith Richards was arrested in Arkansas for reckless driving in 1975. He had cocaine hidden in the door of the car but the cops failed to find that out.

I was put on a three-year probation for driving my Saab head on into a Dodge pickup in 2007. I had zero drugs and was embarrassingly 100% sober.

Keith Richards hit a fan over the head with his guitar in 1981.

I hit my boyfriend in the face with a chunk of ice in 2007.

Keith Richards had acne in his twenties.

I have acne in my twenties.

Keith Richards snorted his dad (allegedly).

I snorted Boston tap water through a Netti Pot and then thought I was going to die in seven days from an amoeba in my brain.

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