Being Single Isn’t A ‘Disorder’ You Need To Cure

Cassidy Kelley
Cassidy Kelley

I have been hearing a lot of people complaining about being single lately and approaching their relationship status as some kind of disorder that needs to be treated. I observe so many single people, especially the ladies out there, consistently working on themselves to find their “soulmate.”

In today’s vlog I encourage you to be grateful for whatever your relationship status is – single, dating, divorced, engaged, married or it’s complicated – and embrace it because there is tremendous growth, love and even FUN that comes with each one. I also share some of the perks I have found from being single.

Being single is not a disorder so if you are without a plus one, please stop making it a problem – nothing is wrong with! It is funny to me how the reaction to being single often comes with the question of why we are not in a relationship. We project in our society that it is better to be coupled. But is that really true? Perhaps at times in our life it’s better NOT to be romantically entwined.

It is an incredible time to focus on becoming an awesome partner to yourself because let’s face it, all of us could improve on self-love. Are you treating yourself with the love and respect you desire? Consider your soul is pressing pause on drawing in your “soulmate” so that you can fall in love with YOU first. The better partner we are to ourselves, the more loving will show up in ALL relationships. Nurturing yourself is an investment in your future partnership.

Singlehood also comes with the perk of getting really clear on your purpose and diving deeper into your spiritual practice. I’ve noticed people get distracted by a romantic relationship and allow things that used to be a priority slip. If you are single you may be learning how to hold in your purpose and vision so that when a relationship comes in, it’s an addition and not a distraction. Healthy relationships should support our spiritual practice and purpose, not distract us from them.

Here is the truth about what causes 100% of the suffering over being single: the belief that being with someone else would be better. Really? How do you even know that’s true? Whether that someone is an ex, someone you are currently obsessed with, or the fantasy of a future someone; your belief that when he or she comes along then your life will be better is what is torturing you.

Here is more truth: There is nothing wrong with you. You are totally loveable and you are surrounded by love. You are not alone. You’ve just lost sight of how amazing you are because you are so busy looking around for someone else.

For those of you who are in relationship . . .  I encourage you to still have a “single” life. Now I do not mean hop on Tinder with a hall pass.  Rather, make sure you have a life outside your relationship. Your own friends and hobbies are important so that you can stop projecting massive expectations on your partner. One person can never be our everything.

If you want to change your experience of your current relationship status is, change how you perceive it.

Look for all the incredible blessings, growth opportunities and LOVE around you. Stop thinking another situation would be better. The grass is NOT greener. Stop being in limbo waiting to do things you want to do until Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along. Living an “in between” mindset is preventing you from enjoying your life at its full capacity!

Keep your intention to be in a loving, healthy partnership but drop the story that something is wrong with you because you are not. Trust the Divine knows your desire just like you trust that when you order something at a restaurant, eventually the food will come. Remove the scarlet “S” from your chest.

Your relationship status does not define you and it absolutely should not impact the amount of love you feel. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Christine Hassler is a keynote speaker, retreat facilitator, spiritual psychologist and life coach, and host of a top-rated podcast.

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