1. “I’m posting this story so (insert name of crush/ex/etc. here) will see it.”
Snapchat stepped up their GAME when they invented this whole “my story” business. Snapchat describes “my story” as a visual status update. So, a picture of your beer and background of your favorite bar, and (blank) now knows you are out on the town. Maybe (blank) is out too and will “coincidentally” run into you there.
2. “ We haven’t spoke all day, maybe I’ll snap him, that’s chill.”
I too, am guilty of this. But I really don’t know why our generation seems to believe that snapchat is a less serious form of communication, as opposed to a text message. If we haven’t spoken in a week, and I get the brilliant idea of busting down those barriers by subtly sending a snapchat, it’s somehow construed as not “too much”. Snapping a picture of my breakfast is somehow not the same thing as sending that same picture in a text message. It’s like that little ghost rips the soul out of all snapchat photos, and makes them less significant simply because it traveled to your phone via the snapchat portal. I will never understand… but it just is.
3. “You didn’t respond to my text message, but you have managed to watch my snapchat and all my snap stories. Soooooo”
WHERE YA AT BRO. Honestly, clearly you are on your phone. And it’s not like you haven’t not thought of me because you did just spend 34 seconds watching my entire story. Did it never cross your mind that there’s a lonely text in your inbox waiting on a response?? Noah wrote to Alli 365 days, I think you can respond to my text message.
4. “(Blank) watched my snap story”
Well… mission accomplished.
5. “I used to be on your top friends… I’ve been replaced.”
Top friends may be one of the greatest forms of stalking. After all, there is no snap sent to the opposite sex without intentions. So, clearly proceed to decipher the username of this person, find them on Facebook, and find out if they are cuter than you.
6. “Speaking of top friends… I wonder if he notices my top friends”
If he is your number one and you are his third… totes embar… proceed to send your bff entirely too many selfies in hopes of knocking him off that number one spot ASAP.