I found this article so enjoyable and relatable that I decided to add to the ever-growing list of Relationship Red Flags. Of course there are the obvious ones, like someone using the wrong “your” in text messages or being a racist. But there are also the ones that seem harmless for a while, until they’re not. As said perfectly by Alexandra Mitchell, “When you notice an RRF, it means that you should GTFO, ASAP.”
1. They say no when you try to take them cool places
Yeah, yeah we all get tired, we all have jobs, and we’re all broke. But when I try to take you to a concert or a comedy show or anywhere with free beer, you say yes. I know that sleeping is what I’ll remember when I’m old and gray, and laying around your apartment watching Netflix reruns is just so fun, but maybe since we’re in our twenties we should act like it.
2. They pick where you eat and then complain about it
Okay, I guess we can try that weird Mexican place on the corner that two people on yelp said is “OMG SO AUTHENTIC”. But if we’re going there, don’t complain about your sloppy burrito after the fact. Who picked it? You did.
3. Their ex-girlfriend comes up so often that you once called her his girlfriend and you both stared at each other in horror
Yes, this has actually happened. Bonus points if the relationship is so fresh that their bedding looks like it was chosen from the dorm section of Target by a seventeen-year-old.
4. They ask if you want them to go down on you and are obviously hoping you’ll say no
Not all of us are genetically designed to come during sex, so yes; I do want you to go down on me. Am I supposed to fake orgasms for the next six months because you’re lazy? Yeah…I’m thinking this isn’t going to work out.