1. Google “how to make friends”
It sounds pathetic, but really, how does one make friends in a bustling metropolitan city, filled with thousands of people, most of whom already have friends? Tack on everyone’s busy schedules that never seem to match up, and you’ve got quite the relationship-building jigsaw puzzle. Hence why I ran to my true friend, Mr. Google. This article is actually pretty helpful.
2. Fear the weather
But doesn’t it rain everyday in Seattle? Blah blah blah, no it doesn’t. And it most certainly does not rain enough to make me stay in my apartment for days. In this city, the weather report is often a threat; snow approaching, get ready to step in puddles of dirty water for weeks. And now, I’m terrified of the approaching humidity and the smell of piss that apparently will be taking over the streets.
3. Feel loyalty towards a bodega
There are three bodegas on my block, count em’ three. But I trust only one to fill my ice cream sandwich and/or Dorito fix. Going to any of the other two makes me feel like a traitor. Is that weird? I think yes.
4. Be legitimately terrified of bed bugs
Although I’ve been told that bed bugs exist everywhere, I have never in my life been nervous about them. Up until a few years ago, I still thought they were some just a creepy thing parents say when they tuck you in. But here the fear is real. After a bad week and some dry skin I managed to convince myself I had bed bugs because of that one time I shopped at that thrift store. Did I have bed bugs? No way. Am I still terrified of them? Hell yes.
5. Live in constant fear of bending and/or losing my metro card
You would think that a city like NYC would have jumped on board long ago with cards that you won’t easily destroy. But no, the largest city in the U S of A has metro cards that could very easily be mistaken for receipts from a taco truck.
6. Actively think about how there are dead bodies under my feet
Thanks to BuzzFeed, I now know that Madison Square Park, Washington Square Park, Union Square Park, and Bryant Park used to be cemeteries. As these are places I frequent quite often, this is a little weird.
7. Want a dog
Of course everyone wants a dog at some point in their lives. But now, despite the self knowledge that I am irresponsible and incapable of caring for anything that is alive, my soul aches for a dog. I feel almost incomplete without one because nearly everybody in this city seems to have an adorable fluffy animal they take to every park that exists.
8. Not be all that afraid when someone is shot two blocks away from me
Thanks to the oft-discussed existence of gentrification, after a shooting occured two blocks from my apartment, when my roommate told me not to be afraid and that I would be left out of any violence I ran into, I actually believed him. What an odd thing.
9. Feel like the least hipster-ish person for miles
As I sit in this coffee shop, I am listening to a pair of beanie clad, plaid shirt, doc marten wearing twenty something’s discussing the ending of a previous friendship because said person didn’t take the Brooklyn art scene seriously enough. There have been many times in my life where my nose ring and obsession with music have given me the hipster title. In this neighborhood, most people probably think I’m suburburban.
10. Think $850 rent is cheap
When I first moved here, a number that large made my jaw drop. But now, after hearing all the ridiculous amounts paid by friends, co-workers and acquaintances, I feel extremely lucky to be paying under a grand. You can sure as hell bet that’s something I never would have said in Seattle.