When he thinks he’s over you, a random hair tie you left at his place will make an appearance on the side of his bed. He’ll reach for it and twirl it around his finger the same way he did with that piece of hair that always fell out of your ponytail. He’ll watch it spin, so fast it’s almost a blur. His eyes will gaze over as he remembers how you laid on his sheets, the long mane of your hair draped over his pillows like a halo. He’ll probably shake his head, as if to clear the daydream from his mind. He’ll drop the hair tie in the drawer next to his closet, and try to go about his day like he never found it.
But before he does, his breath will catch in his throat, and come out in a long gasp of I miss her.
He’ll stop himself from leaving the room, only to stare from the door frame and picture you asleep on his bed one last time.
When the weather starts getting colder, he’ll miss your warmth and the cookies you baked with him. He’ll miss how you both danced around the kitchen to Christmas music, and sipped wine that tasted of the season.
When something wonderful happens, he’ll miss calling you with all the details first. He’ll miss the sound of your excited voice as you cheer him on. And then when something terrible happens, he’ll miss calling you with all those details, too. He’ll miss your car pulling up in the driveway, and your arms around him as he falls apart.
He’ll even miss you on nights out with the boys, his phone silent in his pocket, craving the feel of a buzz reminding him that you’re at home waiting for his return. The warm beer only a distraction that you aren’t, anymore.
He’ll miss you as he drives the long way home, ignoring the shortcut down your street. And as he parks his car in his empty driveway, he’ll call himself a fool as he looks up at his darkened house, wondering if you miss him as much as he misses you.
And when he crawls into bed at night, he won’t be able to stop himself as he reaches for that hair tie again. He’ll let it twirl around his finger once more and imagine what life would be like if he never let you go.
So, don’t scold yourself for wondering if he misses you. Because I promise, he does.