Being a 20-year-old girl living in this century, I feel like every other conversation I have is about my prospective, current, or past relationship. If I mention a guy who is a friend, someone inevitably asks the dreaded question, “Is he your boyfriend?” My answer is no. The boy is almost always a friend who just happens to be of the opposite gender. This usually follows with “Well, that’s how it always starts” or some similar remark. I have always found this constant assumption a bit exhausting.
I am excited to be married one day. I want to have a spouse and kids. Even more so, I want a golden retriever, a white picket fence, and a big yard. I am also not in a rush to have these things. I know it will happen when it is supposed to, not necessarily when I want it to. So I do not spend that much time thinking about it. If I do, I will definitely miss out on all the wonderful things happening right in front of me.
I have never been the type to develop a new crush every week or gush over how cute someone is all day. Sometime in high school, I became aware of just how many conversations were centered around this subject. Often, I found it unnecessary. Attractive people are exciting, but there are countless things that are much more exciting to me. At first, my inability to relate to teenage girls made me feel abnormal but now I have realized the freedom of it. I often weigh the outcome of spending the time I would spend thinking about romantically pursuing others developing myself instead. Recently I have had an obsession with fully becoming the best version of myself.
All I know is that before I find the person I am looking for, I want to completely become the person they are looking for. I’m not trying to cut myself short. I won’t settle for a watered down version of everything I am destined to become. I won’t fall in love with anyone at the expense of my goals and dreams. While the quest for romantic love is a great thing, it is not the everything.
There are so many different types of love worth falling into. There are so many types of soul mates worth finding. For example, I love my friends. I fall in love with them. I love the way they act, their nuances, their laughs, their smiles, and mostly the way they love others. It is such a beautiful thing to non-romantically fall in love with people. It is to know and let people know you love them for nothing but their soul. This rare love is one apart from physical characteristics; a love simply for someone else’s heart. To love your friends well takes patience and practice as every friendship involves two human-beings. As I am sure you have learned by now, human-beings make lots of mistakes and hurt each other often. Despite, this type of love can be so great that it is worth it every time.
In addition, I love myself. I am definitely still working on this one as typing that made me cringe a little. It is an art form that has changed and changed through the seasons for me. As soon as I get better at self-love, I change. Loving yourself is continually evolving and never stagnant. I have to constantly mold it and refuel it. When I am desperate for another’s affection, it is often because I am not giving it to myself. I continually remember any negative thoughts or insecurities are only as valid as I make them. This gives me the power to validate them as useless, irrelevant, and unneeded. When I can separate those thoughts, I realize, “Hey, I’m not half as bad as I tell myself. There are some things about me that I do love.” When I find those things, I water them and watch them grow. I encourage you to recognize and feed the best parts of yourself. When this happens, you will never settle for less than someone who values the absolute greatest in you.
Finally; I love this life. Life is unpredictable and difficult, yet so full. I love my daily routines. I love achieving my goals. I love going on runs. I love my job. I love weekend adventures. I love celebrating people’s wins. I love crying with people during their failures. I love getting up early to watch the sunrise. I love staying out and talking to people so late I nearly fall asleep. I love going on hikes. I love coming home after a long day and cooking dinner. There is joy in the everyday. If you allow yourself to fall in love with that, everything becomes lighter. All the little things add up to the total thing in the end. That total thing is your entire life. So why not fall madly in love with it?
So when I fall in love, I will fall in love. When I don’t fall in love, I don’t fall in love. I think I’ve already fallen in love enough ways for now anyway.