This Is Where Self-Love (And Confidence) Comes From

Jon Flobrant

More often than not, people ask for tips on how to become more confident and comfortable with themselves. At first, I responded to an anonymous question in a light hearted but totally sincere manner:

“I love your confidence! What’s your tips on being so comfortable in your own skin?”

“Some call it ‘confidence’ while others call it ‘being really annoying’ – others being me, lol. Honestly, I’m not 100% comfortable with everything about myself, but my laziness overpowers the insecurities; criticizing yourself constant and putting yourself down takes a lot of energy, and I’d rather put that energy towards something else (like eating).”

For the most part, this is exactly how I view my confidence, but lately, I’ve gone through a lot more slumps and low moments than I’d like, and the only thing that can pull me out of these rutts is

Everyone’s definition of confidence is different. To one person, being confident is equivalent to speaking your mind and wearing whatever the hell you want and rocking it without caring what anyone else thinks; to another, being confident is equivalent to humbly and subtly posting accomplishments on social media; to Merriam Webster, being confident is a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. Whatever you understand confidence to be, it’s hard to pin point what makes someone else feel comfortable with themselves, and it’s even harder to figure out what exactly triggers your self-assurance.

To me, being confident means being comfortable with yourself, and in order to be comfortable with yourself, you need to love yourself.

But where the hell does that self-love come from?

That self-love comes from constructively criticizing yourself to become a better version of yourself, not to break yourself down.

That self-love comes from questioning why the things that make you unhappy affect you as such, weighing their true significances in your life.

That self-love comes from preventing the feelings of inadequacies and convincing yourself that you are whole.

That self-love comes from using your time wisely and proactively, rather than squandering it away for days/months/years staying static, inactive, and afraid.

That self-love comes from becoming aware that your time and energy are valuable and shouldn’t be spent on finding flaws.

That self-love comes from projecting love, affection, and warmth to others — both romantically and platonically.

That self-love comes from surrounding yourself with people who will support you when you’re unsure of yourself, and just as equally reprimand you when you’re headed towards destruction.

That self-love comes from turning a negative into a positive, or a lesson learned.

That self-love comes from understanding when a person/situation/event is toxic for you, and though it might be painful to let it go, it’ll be worth it in the end.

That self-love comes from appreciating your curves and colors, both figuratively and literally.

That self-love comes from realizing that a bigger picture always exists.

“Ok, well this list above is pretty inspirational, but realistically, I don’t think I’ll be able to change overnight.”

The great thing about confidence is that you are the only person who knows how comfortable you are with yourself, and you are the only person who can change that about yourself.

Even if you don’t believe that you’re the best, no one will know unless you let them know.

Even if you don’t think that you’re very accomplished, no one will know unless you let them know.

Even if you don’t think that you can succeed in life, no one will know unless you let them know.

It’ll take baby steps to fall in love with yourself and enjoy each and every flaw, but you can’t move towards that level of comfortability unless you actually, like…make a move.

And I know it’ll be difficult, but that’s why you’ve got to put the “con” in confidence. Fake it till you make it, because even if you don’t believe it at first, your words will soon resonate with you, and you’ll have no choice but to naturally live up to the words of confidence that you used to understand as fallacies.

If it’s been working for me, it’ll work for you, promise. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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