I held on to you with every fiber of my being. No matter what you said, no matter how many times you pushed me away, I refused to let go. I refused to turn the page on to a new chapter. I didn’t want to flip that page because deep down I knew that the second I did, it would all be over.
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to let go of the comfort I felt with you. I wasn’t ready to throw away the pain you were causing me if that meant I had to learn to live a life without you.
So I held on. As tightly as I possible could. With every inch you pulled away, I pushed forward even harder. I could not even try to grasp what a world without you in it would be like. I refused to figure out how.
But one day I did it. One day you pushed me too far and I let go. One day, your words cut too deeply, deeper than they had ever cut before. I was not going to live like this anymore. There was no way that I was going to allow you to continue to hurt me this way. I wasn’t going to hold on any longer.
So I let go.
I let go and left you behind. I took the step to delete you off of everything. I threw away your things. I cleared you from my life.
And as much as it stung, as much as it hurt me that we didn’t get the happy ending I always wanted; I was free.
I was free from the pain that you were causing me.
I was free from the one sided relationship you so long dragged me through.
I was free from the name-calling, the belittling, and the feelings that I was never good enough.
I was free from the fighting. The arguments that would leave me outside of the bar crying when I could have been enjoying the night with my friends.
I was free from the lies. I no longer had to wonder what you were telling the truth about. I didn’t have to go through your phone to see what one of your exes you texted this time.
I was free from the lectures from my loved ones. I no longer had to hear from everyone important to me the reasons why I shouldn’t give you another chance and all of their concerns of the negativity you brought too my life.
I was free from the toxicity that our love was. I no longer have to spend days beating myself up over the thoughts of why loving someone couldn’t be enough.
I was free from all of the awful things that I tried so hard to desperately hold on to.
For the first time in years, I had finally let go of all of the things that were breaking me down piece by piece every single day. I was finally ready to be myself again. I was ready to be healthy.
I was ready to be free.