I met you while in a pretty broken state. I met you while trying to learn to love myself while also trying to put the pieces back together. It was safe to say I was afraid to love. It was safe to say I was terrified to let someone in.
I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to give someone my all without just assuming I’d get hurt. I spent so long putting those walls up, I couldn’t even fathom what it would be like to break them down.
But you convinced me. You convinced me that loving you would be worth it. You convinced me that you would give me everything I needed. You convinced me that I could trust you.
I was apprehensive- but I did it. I was scared, I was nervous and quite frankly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
But a lot quicker than I ever planned, I fell completely and absolutely head over heels for you.
I was infatuated. I couldn’t get enough. You were a drug for me and I was so hooked on the high. It was unlike anything I ever felt and I never wanted to go a day without it.
But then comes the part I dreaded from the start. You broke me. You broke and destroyed every bit of the trust I had for you. You broke and destroyed every bit of the trust I had built up over the past years and years.
I spent years putting up those walls. I spent years building my guard up so high just so I would never have to feel pain like this.
What was the point? Just as quickly as your kind words and sweet actions broke down the walls and made me fall for you, it was all ruined. Everything we built. Everything I believed in. It was all gone.
What happened to saying you would never leave?
What happened to saying you would never hurt me?
What happened to saying you would never run when things got hard?
What happened to the promises that you would never leave me for any of those girls I was insecure about?
It all meant nothing.
Let’s face it. You said whatever you needed to say to win me over. You said whatever you needed to say to get me exactly where you wanted.
And once I started falling hard for you, you had already won. The first time I cried and begged for you not to leave, the battle was already over.
So as for those walls you broke down? Well, they are back up. They are back up even higher than they were before. And here I am, filled with trust issues higher than they were the day you met me years ago.
But I won’t let you win. I won’t let you have the satisfaction of leaving me broken and afraid to love again while you walk around destroying other people.
I will come back stronger. I will come back stronger than I was the day you met me. I will find someone who loves me the way that I deserve and would never think to break even an ounce of my trust.