Loving you was one of the most difficult battles of my life. Loving you was both the best and absolute worst thing all wrapped into one.
Loving you has been everything other than easy.
Here’s the thing: I fought for you every single day. I fought for you every day when you wouldn’t fight for yourself. I fought for you and me when I was the only one putting in any effort to save us. Even when we were happy, lets face it; we both knew it wouldn’t last.
It wouldn’t last because I was the only one fighting to make it work. I was the only one fighting harder when things got tough; meanwhile, you were running the other way.
Every single time things got hard, like clockwork, you left. Every single time I tried with every fiber of my being to save us, you ran far away.
It was a rollercoaster. I never felt content. I was never certain that you were going to stay. I was never certain that you weren’t going to pick up and leave again.
However, the same thing that terrified me, kept me hanging on. I hung on to every last hope you gave me. I hung on to every hope that the story was going to end with you and me.
I was going to change you. I was going to be the one to save you and make you mine. I didn’t care how much work and pain along the way it took if it meant the story ended with us. We were going to have a happy ending.
Until we didn’t. I didn’t get my happy ending. The story didn’t end in you and me. Instead, it ended with me very broken. It ended with me absolutely destroyed.
Because that’s the thing about loving someone who is toxic: the same person who has the ability to make you feel on top of the world, also has the ability to completely break you down in the matter of seconds.
And with every hope you are left with to stay, there are hundreds of more reasons to leave.