The holiday season has officially begun…bring on the cocktails, cookies, and 24/7 Christmas music (my personal fave)! There’s no doubt that this time of year is magical. The lights, the holiday cheer, the singing loud for all to hear. (Or is that just me and Buddy the Elf?)
I don’t know if people are actually happier or just on a month-long sugar high, but either way, things seem merrier and brighter all around.
Unless you’re single (and wishing you weren’t).
For those of you with the jingle bell blues, I feel you. Being single around the holidays can be ROUGH. If there’s anyone who knows it, it’s me. I’ve always been either single or in a long distance relationship away from my love for the holidays (which honestly felt worse). Even as a kid, Wham!’s “Last Christmas” was one of my favorite Christmas songs (not normal).
I’d always longed for romance around this special time of year when everyone seems to be crazy in love, or at least more in love than usual.
Seeing happy couples on dates and at parties can make you feel super lonely in general, let alone around the holidays. Here’s how you can still enjoy the season and bypass the Single Lonelies (yes, I made that up).
Connect with friends and family members who make you feel loved
It’s amazing how much love we’re capable of feeling despite not being in a romantic relationship. Society places so much emphasis on romantic love that we almost get brainwashed into thinking that if we don’t have that, then we can’t feel the bliss of love and connection.
But that’s so very false.
Of course, romantic love is unlike any other, but that doesn’t mean other kinds of love can’t feel just as good. A fun day or night with my best friends or my family members (some are one in the same) makes me feel fulfilled and happy for days. Meaningful conversation and laughs with people who know me best make me feel my best.
Host a get-together. Call an old friend for coffee. Have a holiday movie night snuggled with your closest friends or family. ‘Tis the season to spend quality time with anyone you love in any way.
When you feel a strong sense of connection, even if it’s with friends or family, there’s little room for feeling lonely. Make time for the people you care about, who make you feel loved and cared for. When you’re around people who make you feel so damn happy, it’s hard to want anything else.
Self-reflect and make changes (if necessary)
It’s hard to see other people in happy relationships and not want what they seem to have, but sometimes we seek this kind of intimacy because we think it will magically make every aspect of our lives (especially ones that we’re not happy with) awesome and more bearable.
While it’s no doubt that being in love can enhance your life and make you feel happier all around, your relationship shouldn’t be your only source of happiness and fulfillment.
Is what you’re longing for really going to be found in another person, or can you give it to yourself in other ways?
Taking some time to reflect on how you’re feeling and what it is that you’re really needing at this time may help you realize that you don’t need a romantic partner to feel better about your life or to feel that emotional high that comes with a sense of connection or belonging. Maybe you can make some tweaks to feel more fulfilled and happy on your own, right now, without even having to meet a partner. (Convenient!)
Are you satisfied with your career or do you wish it brought you more of a sense of purpose? Are you satisfied with your relationships with the people in your life or do you crave deeper connections? Are you feeling like you work too much and have no time for any fun in your life?
I’ve always found that when I’m fulfilled and in love with my life as a single person, I’m less prone to feeling like I need to be in a relationship because everything else is just so good. When I feel connected to others and to myself, when I feel like I’m living out my purpose each day through a career and activities that I’m passionate about, I’m filling up my own cup with love so that when I decide to enter a romantic relationship, I’ll be able to show up emotionally healthy, happy, and completely, without needing that person to fill everything up for me.
Love yourself enough to give yourself what you need to be happy with your life so that when the time comes for that amazing romantic relationship that you crave, it will be even stronger and more fulfilling.
Make yourself and your self-care a priority
Do things that make you feel good and treat yourself kindly (as you always should, btw).
Take yourself out for fun solo dates where you can be selfish and do whatever your heart desires.
Pick up a new hobby or re-start an old one that brought you joy but fell by the wayside when life got busy.
Ditch the negative self-talk and expectations of others and do YOU.
When you thoroughly enjoy your own company and you truly take care of yourself, you’re working on filling that love cup way up all on your own.
And…if you do all of the above and still wish you had that special someone…go find ’em!
If you’re just at the point in your life where you’re fed up with being single and are ready to meet the love of your life, then take action! ‘Cause they’re not just gonna magically fall down your chimney like Santa while you’re sulking on your couch.
Head to a speed dating event. Join a dating site. Hire a matchmaker or coach. Volunteer. Anything to get you out and about meeting new people.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to find “the one.” Just go with the intention of having some good conversation, laughs, and maybe even some free food (woop woop!).
If it ends up being a positive experience, great! If not, it’s a story and at least you tried. If you don’t try, your chances of meeting your person are veryyy slim.
Wishing you a holiday season with so much love, happiness, and connection, no matter the source. It’s out there for you if you want it.