Have you ever laid down in bed and started contemplating what you’re doing with your life? Like legitimately thought, am I where I’m supposed to be? I’ve heard it time and time before, the phrase, “everything happens for a reason.” BUT DAMMIT, why!? I’m a 24-year-old kid that just doesn’t want to hear something like that anymore. That’s just another way to really let me off of the hook for messing something up. If I ever drop the ball, I have people telling me the same thing over and over again. It’s as if I didn’t just mess up.
No, I refuse to believe that everything happens for a reason when I had a decision to make. A stupid decision is just that, a stupid decision. I don’t know how I can honestly say that I 100 percent believe that what I’ve done was because of some super plan that was decided for me. I may not be the oldest person or the person with the most experience with well, anything, but I don’t think there’s actually a soulmate out there for everyone. I very much want to believe that there’s someone out there that’s made specifically for me, but that’s just a bullshit reason for me to be totally relaxed until then. This may come as a total surprise to many, even maybe myself, but I don’t think my parents were really soulmates. I think they accidentally crossed paths. They were always willing to work towards their marriage even when so many things went wrong. That’s not a soulmate. Soulmates are supposed to be perfect for one another, without the idea that there will be fights and if I have to choose between my soulmate and the woman I’m going to be fighting with to keep everything real, then I choose the second woman every damn day.
Change isn’t supposed to be easy
Marriage is the biggest form of change there probably ever can be, behind maybe, having children or something. (Of course, I haven’t tested this theory out yet, it’s just something I’ve heard on an almost daily basis and I feel comfortable accepting these theories.) If it were easy, more marriages would last and attorneys would be in need of some different form of work. I have two best friends that are both getting married soon and I can say with much certainty that they are absolutely, positively, definitely in love. Are they soulmates? They’d probably say yes, and you’d probably believe it too, but I know them very, very well and even today I’d have to say no. Not because they’re not meant to be or anything, but because they work so damn hard on their relationships that I know that some sort of luck or plan of the universe wouldn’t be enough to do what they do as one. In all honesty, I’m kind of jealous of it.
Maybe I’ve already found the one I would be able to create some sort of marriage thing with too, or maybe even my soulmate for that matter, but the fact of the matter is that I don’t even know what I like yet. I am not comfortable struggling by myself, how can I ask someone else to struggle with me?
Maybe it’s just my personal preference, but I don’t want to live a life that someone else wants for me.
Or even worse, a life that someone tells me is SUPPOSED to happen for me. No, I want to do everything the wrong way in the sense that I find out what I’m supposed to do first, what I can give to the world, and then, maybe then I can create something beautiful and amazing with someone else. Until then, I won’t be worrying about what’s supposed to be, what’s meant to be or what’s next to happen. Taking it step by step is what I really want. I’m perfectly fine with what I have, so please, just leave me alone. I don’t need your sympathy and I’m sure I’ll be alright.