11 Brutally Real Reasons Women Leave Relationships

Flickr / Jorge Sanmartín Maïssa
Flickr / Jorge Sanmartín Maïssa

There’s a fair share of women out there who don’t have a problem kicking a guy to the curb. Sometimes it’s better to be single if it means getting rid of the main source of our angst and frustration. Here are eleven reasons we say buh-bye to our relationships:

1. He’s Moody

One day he’s all schmoopy woopy, the next day he gets a hair up his a** because we asked him what was wrong. You think women are moody? I know plenty of guys who switch gears on a daily basis. Guys hate to be poked and prodded to discuss their feelings. We get that. But shouldn’t you feel lucky that you have someone in your life whocares enough (and is attentive enough) to notice a change in your mood and ask what’s up?

Rather than get testy with us, why not just tell us you’re in a mood and would just prefer to sulk for a bit before opening up. Too touchy feely for you? Then just say “I’m okay. Don’t worry. Thanks for asking.” The thing men should understand about women is that we sense when something is off in a matter of seconds after you step through the door. If you don’t want to be asked what’s wrong, make a better attempt to hide whatever is bothering you. Don’t sulk.

2. He’s Bad In Bed

Sometimes thesex is just … bad. I once dated a guy who lived in my apartment building who was this aggressive, hotshot lawyer type. I thought for sure that meant he’d be great in bed. Wow, was I wrong. He was jerky and slow and kinda … sloppy. Fumbling is cute the first time you get it on. But after a few months of sex? It’s just awkward. You need to ask us if we like certain moves. Listen to us. Pay attention. If you mentally check out during sex and focus on your orgasm, you’re missing all the cues we give you to let you know things are amiss or spectacular.

We feel awkward about telling you what works for us and what doesn’t. We worry you’ll think we’ve “been around” or we’ll offend you. So you have to meet us half way on this by paying closer attention and being connected with us in bed. Listen to us if we say we don’t like something. Don’t tell yourself we’ll eventually see the light and realize how amazing that move is that you do where you ram your finger in our vagina like a tiny jackhammer then swirl it around like you’re stirring your coffee with it. If we tell you we didn’t like it, we didn’t like it.

3. He’s A Caveman

Nothing aggravates me more than the one word answers, grunts or the slow droning of a conversation where you can tell he’s distracted and not focused on what you’re saying. Okay, so you’re not a phone person. That’s fine. But do you have to be so obvious about it? If you can’t tear yourself away from a game or an article or something … don’t answer the phone. Nobody is holding a gun to your head. Send it to voicemail then text us and say you’ll call us when you’re through doing whatever you’re doing.

In other words….C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E. Give us a heads up that you’ll be busy so you may not be able to talk much.

4. He Thinks He’s A Mind Reader

I HATE when guys decide that they have my intentions all figured out because I called or emailed him to confirm plans HE MADE. Guys, we have lives, too. We have jobs, we have friends, we have hobbies. We’re planners. Just because we’d like to plan our weekend on Wednesday doesn’t mean we’re flipping through bridal magazines picking out dresses.

Women are always trying to show men that we “get” them by not being too demanding or inquisitive. How about some reciprocity here?

5. He Hangs With His Friends Too Often

Look, at 25, it’s cool that you hang with your bros at Joshua Tree or whatever post-frat haven you prefer. But at 35? It’s old. We have yoga class at 10 am or a hair appointment or brunch with friends and we really don’t feel like disrupting that schedule just to deal with you and your drunken penis at 2 am.

A man who spends a large amount of time with his friends (like, three nights a week) after a certain age makes us wonder something … how come all his friends are either single or spending so much time away from their girlfriends? We know how some of your friends jokingly give you a hard time for “settling down.” Usually they’re the guys who can’t keep a girlfriend longer than a couple months. That worries us.

6. He Lies

Now, this one I have to meet you on halfway. I get why you lie. You want to avoid drama. But if you are going to lie, you better be damn good at it. Because a) we usually know and b) if we’re particularly cunning … we’ll catch you because we pay attention. To everything. We know when things are wonky.

If we ask you why you lied, don’t put it on us and say that you “knew” how we’d react. (See above – Mind Readers) No, you didn’t. You didn’t know how we’d react because YOU LIED so you didn’t give us a chance. But if you lie just to lie? You’re automatically labeled a sociopath and we fear you’ll give us herpes.

7. He Works Too Much

Yes, many of us ladies want a man with drive and ambition. And there are plenty who are happy to trade in time with their man for a nice house in the Hamptons or trips to Paris three times a year. Those women are not ALL women. Many of us actually want to see you, talk to you, check in with you. Why? Because we like you and like spending time with you.

We love a man who has a great work ethic. We’re not so crazy about men who love their jobs more than us or who can not prioritize us from time to time.

8. He Treats Us Differently Around His Friends

I’m not talking about the change in PDA. Most of us know not to embarrass you or hang on you when you’re with your friends. We know that makes you end up looking like the Guy With The Needy Girlfriend. But taking a tone or attitude with us so you can show you’re friends you wear the pants? You can bite us. And you can dream on if you think you’ll be sleeping in our bed that night so you might as well go home in a different cab.

9. He’s Cheap

Thursday night special at the local diner? How fun! Twice a week? Eww. Are you the guy who always (meaning every week) looks for those free drink specials at local bars or the two for one burger deals? That’s a turn off. Frugal is great. Cheap is not.

10. He Doesn’t Listen

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Sometimes we just want you to listen. It’s sweet that you want to fix our problems, but what you need to understand is that that’s not always what we’re looking for. That’s why we turn to our dads. You don’t want us to think of you like our fathers, do you? Please wait for us to finish talking and tell us what you think. EVEN IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH US.

11. He Acts Secretive Or Defensive

Listen, Secret Agent Man … if you get all dodgy because we asked you who was on the phone or always play the pronoun game, we’re going to assume you’re hiding something. Like a wife. Or a criminal record. Don’t turn the tables on us and make it about how we have trust issues, are crazy, etc. Usually, when we sense something is up with a guy, we’re right. So accept the fact that you’ve been busted and take it like a man. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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This post originally appeared at YourTango.

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