There’s a road ahead. It’s a painfully cliché metaphor but there is an actual physical road ahead in the not too distant future. I will embark down this road to an unfamiliar place, an unfamiliar city and I will make my home.
I want so much. I need so much. Growing up it is instilled in us that desire is selfish, it leads to greed and that it is ‘destructive’ behaviour. To a certain extent what we are taught is correct.
However it relates to the material. I do not want the material. I crave the intangible.
I want the late night talks with dear friends; where reality becomes a distant memory. Where we rejoice, we cry, we laugh, and we remember. When I look back on those memories I will realize it was in the late nights and early morning hours that I learnt more in those golden hours than I did in any lecture hall.
I want to fall in love. To feel the strange yet familiar feeling where she walks in the room and you feel as though you have seen her face in another life. She becomes the only girl in the world. I want to dance for hours with her and feel her soft touch. Smell her sweet smell. She is flawless and immaculate.
I want the adventures. Surfing in the mercilessly cold water, but not caring because I am flying, I am free. Cleansed and born again time after time as I emerge from blue after being knocked down time after time. The Sunday afternoon expeditions armed with nothing but a picnic basket and the jandals that seemed like a good idea at the time but actually giving me blisters now. I march on regardless.
I want the regrets. The nights where I drink too much, where I where I kiss the wrong girl, the times when it becomes all too much and I wonder how I screwed it all up so bad. They say live life with no regrets. But what do they learn from that? Regrets are a way of moving forward—learning from the past to tackle the future with more focus, more conviction and more virtue.
At the end of the day I want to soak up as much as I can. I want to die knowing I didn’t give an inch, that I loved and I laughed and I gave and I persevered and I did so with every fibre of my will and that my existence- my gift was not wasted.
I don’t know what will happen. All I know is that I crave the intangible; And that there’s a road ahead.