101 Things To Do On Facebook Before You Die

  1. Create a Facebook account.
  2. Upload a profile pic.
  3. Fill in the ‘about me’ details.
  4. Send a friend request.
  5. Have your friend request accepted.
  6. Write on someone’s wall.
  7. Receive a friend request.
  8. Accept a friend request.
  9. Use the friend finder thing to find more friends.
  10. Look up someone you used to go to school with.
  11. Feel weird, looking through the personal photos of someone you used to got to school with.
  12. Change your status to ‘In A Relationship’.
  13. Change your profile pic to a photo of you and the person you are in a relationship with.
  14. Look up ex-boyfriend/girlfriend of the person you are in a relationship with.
  15. Feel weird, looking at profile of the person you are in a relationship with’s ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
  16. Post a cryptic status update.
  17. Post a countdown update about a holiday you’re about to go on.
  18. Update your status while on holiday.
  19. Upload a folder of photos titled ‘Holiday’.
  20. Wait for people to like your photos.
  21. Feel vaguely put out when way less people than you’d hoped like your photos.
  22. Change your profile pic to a cropped section from one of your holiday photos, just your tanned smiling face.
  23. Receive a friend request from someone you don’t know.
  24. Ignore a friend request from someone you don’t know.
  25. Wish someone you used to go to school with and haven’t spoke to or communicated in any other way with in over five years a happy birthday.
  26. Receive a notification that the person you used to go to school with and haven’t spoke to or communicated in any other way with in over five years liked your happy birthday message.
  27. Receive an invite to play a game called ‘Words With Friends’ with someone you used to go to school with.
  28. Ignore an invite to play a game called ‘Words With Friends’ with someone you used to go to school with.
  29. Look at the profile of the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend of the person you are in a relationship with again.
  30. Post another cryptic status update.
  31. Send a private message.
  32. Receive a reply to your private message.
  33. Send another private message.
  34. Wait for a reply to your private message.
  35. Check to see if the person you sent the private message has seen your message yet (they haven’t).
  36. Receive an invite to attend a spoken word poetry event.
  37. Ignore an invite to attend a spoken word poetry event.
  38. Look back through your ‘Holiday’ photo album.
  39. Create an invite titled ‘My Birthday’.
  40. Go through your friends list, imagining all the people on your friends list attending your event.
  41. Invite about ten percent of the people in your friends list to your event.
  42. Check to see if the person you sent the private message to has seen it yet.
  43. Discover that they’ve seen the message.
  44. Wonder why they haven’t replied to your message.
  45. Go onto chat to look for one specific person.
  46. Discover that the one person you want to chat with is not on chat.
  47. Log off chat.
  48. Write a status about your dinner, then delete it.
  49. Watch an argument unfold, in real time, between two people you sort of know from a previous job.
  50. Receive a reply (finally, a whole day later!) from the person you sent the private message to.
  51. Check how many people are down as officially ‘going’ to ‘My Birthday’ (way less than you’d imagined).
  52. Post a status update designed to be seen and understood by one person.
  53. Receive three ‘Are you okay?’ replies (none of which are from the person intended to see and understand the status).
  54. Write embarrassing drunken status update.
  55. Log in the next morning/late afternoon, hungover.
  56. Read then delete embarrassing drunken status update.
  57. Receive private message.
  58. Don’t reply to private message.
  59. Wish you’d not read the private message.
  60. Get tagged in photos from ‘My Birthday’ event.
  61. Untag yourself in 3 of the 16 photos you’re tagged in.
  62. Write a comment underneath the most unflattering photo of you, saying, ‘Thanks very much’.
  63. Write a status update which is actually just a thinly veiled threat to quit your job.
  64. Send out a stock message (just changing the name at the top) to anyone you can think of in your friends list, asking if there is any work going at their job.
  65. Write a status update announcing that you’ve quit your job.
  66. Receive 34 likes on the job quitting status update.
  67. Change the ‘working at’ thing in your profile to your new job.
  68. Change your profile picture.
  69. Look back through old profile pictures of yourself.
  70. Feel weird about old profile pic of you and the person you are still (just about) in a relationship with.
  71. Receive 4 new friend requests from people at your new job.
  72. Look at your profile from perspective of people at new job before accepting friend requests.
  73. Get tagged in photo album titled ‘Work Drinks’.
  74. Untag yourself from only 1 of 6 photos.
  75. Receive request to play ‘Guess Which Popstar’ game with a person from work.
  76. Accept request to play ‘Guess Which Popstar’ game, out of politeness.
  77. Let ‘Guess Which Popstar’ game lapse, after three turns.
  78. Send a private message.
  79. Delete the private message you sent, just in case the person you are still (just about) in a relationship with might read it if you left yourself logged in on your shared laptop.
  80. Receive private message.
  81. Delete received private message.
  82. Log onto chat.
  83. Spend 82 minutes on chat.
  84. Log off chat, suddenly, when you hear the front door go.
  85. Look at all 1016 tagged photos of someone, from 2007-present.
  86. Download 1 of the 1016 photos.
  87. Panic that the person whose photo you just downloaded will get some sort of notification that you downloaded one of their photos.
  88. Look at the wedding photos of someone you used to go to school with, and feel a 50/50 mixture of embarrassment and envy.
  89. Post a transparently unhappy status update.
  90. Receive seven concerned replies before deleting transparently unhappy status.
  91. Change your profile pic.
  92. Change your profile pic again.
  93. Change your relationship status to ‘single’.
  94. Change your profile pic again.
  95. Look at profile of your now-ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
  96. Consider unfriending them.
  97. Don’t unfriend them.
  98. Look at profile of now-ex-boyfriend/girlfriend again.
  99. Receive an invitation to spoken word poetry event.
  100. Discover that now-ex-boyfriend/girlfriend is ‘in a relationship’ again (only two and a half weeks after you broke up!).
  101. Deactivate your Facebook account. TC mark

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