The most common mistake men make when meeting a woman for a date for the first time is trying to win her over by purchasing her approval.

Pricey dinners, trips and events are the norm of a lot of men. Having dinner with a woman, agreeing with 100% of what she says, and desperately seeking her endorsement of your status will not get you anywhere.

Attractive women are exposed to that all the time.

Whatever you bring to the table on a first date will be used as the benchmark for your expenses moving forward. This means that if there’s no date and you just invite yourself over to her apartment with a bottle of wine, and fuck her, she’s not going to expect you to pay for anything ever.

But what if you’re not at that level yet?

Start by remembering this: You’re the reward—not your wallet. Your time and money is only spent on a woman as a reward for her respect, genuine sexual interest and correct behavior.

The only thing David De’Angelo ever said that stuck with me was: “Attraction Is Not A Choice.”

Physical attraction is a feeling—there is no $$ sign attached to it. It is a woman’s subconscious physical and emotional response to your masculinity.

Women admire your unshakable self assurance, your looks, your powerful attitude and the effect you have on her emotions.

For the man who enjoys first dates, the purpose of the date should be to build value, establish a connection and create intrigue in a woman. You should enjoy the process of building sexual tension and attraction. Your game should elevate you to an idealized man- a man she wants, but possibly can’t have.She should be so sold on you that she feels the need to make a move or risk losing you.

Let’s get into the nitty gritty.

1. Don’t text to set up a date

Call. In the age of dating apps, it takes balls to call. Call when you are running an errand, taking your laundry to the washing machine, or cleaning your pad. Be busy, upbeat, interesting and brief. Get off the phone first after setting up the date.

2. Don’t freak out

Shower, shave, smell good, dress well and don’t forget your condoms—even if you are a virgin.

3. Manage your time

Time is your most valuable asset—don’t fucking waste it. A time efficient date is one in which you save money and size a woman up quickly to know if your night will be a waste or not. A wasted date is time spent with a cold woman, a woman with a bad attitude, a tease, a crazy chick or a gold digger. As you get more experience with women, you’ll be able to tell one from the other. Most aren’t hard to figure out. The key is to figure her out fast. Watch our for these.

4. Know exactly where you are going

You are a man—you lead. Meet up for drinks at a hotel bar or outdoor patio. Schedule 45 minutes. Personally, I prefer to arrive later than my date. Most women will arrive at the date venue, and text you from their car or outside the venue.

Her: “Hey, are you here yet?”

You: “Hey, yeah—walking in now.”

It doesn’t matter whether she sees you walking in or not. If she asks something along the lines of:

Her: “Lol, I’m right outside, I don’t see you.”

You: *Silence

I prefer to have her wait for a few minutes because it get her slightly uncomfortable about the meeting. If you’re meeting a woman you met online, chances are she’s been on a few dud dates- where the guy just wasn’t what she expected. Her mind will have a tendency to go for the worst case scenario.

And then, in you stride—the best dressed man in the room, with your confident swagger, strong eye contact and wide smile.

This works wonders especially is you are a sharp dresser and you carry yourself well.

The idea is to be casually confident, create rapport , build comfort and move the date to a second location. Most of my dates are at night and involve bars for two reasons:

— You’re more likely to get laid at night

— While not necessary, alcohol greatly increases you chances of having sex. I’m not advocating getting a woman drunk, but even sipping on an alcoholic drink can make your date less inhibited.

I typically pick a hotel bar which is walking distance from a louder, more popular bar with a small dance floor. I travel a lot, but I always take my dates to the same bars and I tip well. As a result, I’m treated well, which helps with status.The idea is to move from one location to the next to create the illusion of comfort with each other. Its also a way to change the atmosphere if you end up with a woman who doesn’t communicate much.

Moving to a louder location helps you transition to more physicality with your date as well.

5. Build sexual tension and chemistry

This starts with touch. No physical contact=no getting laid. Set the mood of the date by initiating physical contact either by hugging her when you meet or at the very least, a hi-five.

As for conversations, its not what you say, but how you say it.

I use the feel/felt concept. This means that when I speak about myself in conversations with women, I make sure the conversation is emotionally driven. This is simply how women communicate with each other. “I feel….”

The key points to remember are:

Fact driven conversation—PLATONIC

Emotionally Driven Conversation—PERSONAL

Avoid conversations about work- hers or yours. Keep the conversation light and fun. Share stories that elicit an emotional response- childhood, her hobbies, future plans. Where does she want to travel? Where does she see herself in 3 years?

Sometimes, when you’re inexperienced, you may have no idea what to talk about, or there might be some awkward silences. What do you do?

Relax, player.

6. Listen

Not listening is one of the main causes of awkward silences. If you’re too busy imagining what her boobs look like, wondering what to say next, or waiting your turn to speak, you’re probably not listening. If you ever feel like you’re talking too much, slow down and ask a question.

7. Challenge awkward silences

Simply tell her: “ I love meeting new and interesting people- that’s why I’m on this date with you…tell me something interesting about yourself.

8. Have five good stories on hand

I learned this one from our contributor Kino Suave. Always have interesting stories about your experiences. The key is to pause during your story and give her a chance to continue.

9. Capitalize on Distractions

An interesting person walks into the venue, someone spills their drink all over another person—jump on it and use it transition to a normal conversation.

10. Make your move

So your date is going great. There’s tons of chemistry between both of you. Eye contact is deep, physical contact is electric…and suddenly, you wonder if its time to “make your move”…and you freeze.

You start getting those damn voices in your head:

“Maybe its too early to kiss her.”

“What if she rejects my kiss?”

“Fuck it…I’ll just try later.”

“What is she thinking??”

The rule of thumb is: If you’re wondering whether you should kiss her, its already too late.

So go for the kiss.

“What if she rejects me and gives me the cheek?”

Fuck it.

Its not a big deal. Just smile, lean back and carry on with the conversation like nothing happened.

Try again later.

Women generally don’t want to come across as easy, slutty or as a conquest. Receiving some resistance is normal.

Don’t apologize. Don’t be embarrassed. Its your role as a man to lead.

I personally don’t give a damn these days. I just go for the kiss whenever I feel like it. Of course, I get the cheek more often than I used to, but believe it or not, its never cost me a date. It probably wont cost you one either.

11. Carfeully transition back to your place

So you’ve had a great date. Both of you had an amazing connection, you initiated physical contact, she loved it, you kissed her, and she says “ Well…I probably should be heading back..”

First off, you should always be aware and leading. She should not bring that statement up , but in all honestly, I don’t know what this statement truly means to women, because most of the time I hear this line, I usually end up hooking up with them. I suppose they either think the date is not going to end in sex or they want to move things forward.

It doesn’t really matter.

What matters is how YOU perceive it.

Your beliefs about sex, women and your self belief determine how often you get laid.

12. Have a game plan for back at your place:

I don’t for one instant believe that women get all dolled up and look so damn sexy just to go home after an hour and wash it all off.

I believe that just like I took a shit and shaved my balls before the date, she did some maintenance before as well, because she expects to get laid.

The truth is that sometimes she doesn’t plan to have sex that night—for whatever reason and that DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER.

She may have a “rule.”She may just not be in the mood, so she wears some cotton panties out. She may be “celibate” since getting over being dumped by her ex and doesn’t really feel ready for sex.

She may have the tingles for another guy, but he’s not getting her cues, or her boyfriend is boring so she ‘s testing out the waters to secure some pre-breakup prospects.

She may be super horny, but feels self conscious about her abnormally huge labia, so she leaves her house in a damn mess, so she doesn’t have an excuse to invite you over.

Whatever. The. Fuck.

Your beliefs determine YOUR truth.

Listen up: Even if she hasn’t shaved her pussy for two months and is wearing granny panties, women respond to masculine traits of dominance, courage, risk taking and being a leader.

If you have demonstrated these traits from the moment your met her for the date, the transition should not be bumpy.

13. Close the deal

The “close” in sales is the final part of an interaction where money exchanges hands. It requires, confidence, assumption and persistence. Decide what you are actually closing.

Are you happy with a kiss? Great—thats what you’re closing for.

Do you want to have sex? That should be outcome of your close.

Do you just want to go on date, not take action, then go home and masturbate to her ? You’re an idiot. Pick up a copy of my book.

Until you have accomplished one of your closes, the date is not a success.
Sometimes you will try your best and she’s just not feeling it. Thats fine. Crank your game level down a notch and enjoy the rest of the date—or leave. Don’t waste your precious time.

The second location I go to is usually a more high energy location, usually with a dancefloor. Dancing helps, but if you have two left feet, or you’re not into the bar scene fear not- after a few drinks, or when the date is going really well,grab her hand ( if you’re sitting- act ready to leave) and say:

“Lets get out of here” (better for high energy environments)

“Lets continue the conversation/party at my place”

or my favorite:

“Lets go back to my place and get rehydrated.” (For some crazy reason, this line makes sense—especially if you’ve been dancing or drinking. Don’t just take my work for it. Try it.)

Its that simple. The key is to grab her hand and lead her to your car/ pad if you are within walking distance.

No hesitation, on your part. LEAD.

This article originally appeared at Quit Porn, Get Girls.