Charisma (n) [kuh-riz-muh-tuh]: a spiritual power or personal quality that gives an individual influencer authority over large numbers of people.
Charisma is one of the main tools in the arsenal of a man who wants success with women. One of the main ways you express charisma is through your speech—the way you converse with a woman. You should aim to effortlessly create chemistry, desire and positive feelings in a woman while simultaneously building rapport and trust.
There is no room for “clown game” here. No effeminate behaviors, and certainly no ass-kissing.
Before you get worried that there’s a lot to keep in mind when developing charisma, let me say this: When in doubt, do three things.
— Be a good listener
— Use humor when you feel pessimistic about the conversation
— Check your ego
Without further ado, here are the 10 secret keys to establishing charisma with women.
1. Avoid one-upping her at all costs.
Oh, how guilty I am of this. When a woman shares a story about some dramatic event at work, or an accomplishment of hers, let her have it fully.
She is sharing it with you because she enjoys the feelings that occurred during the event and more importantly, she enjoys sharing it.
Congratulate her. Ask more questions about how she feels and get the nitty gritty details. Yes, she may go on and on about it, but the point is that she wants to sound smart and important. Bear with it.
She isn’t sharing the story to give you material to one-up her and tell her how even more incredible your day was. If she tells you she saw a beautiful house today, smile and ask about it. Don’t tell her about the nicer one you saw. Get the details and let her feel observant and smart.
Men sometimes feel a strong urge to relate similar experiences—it’s considered part of normal, polite conversation. But “normal” men don’t quit porn and they certainly don’t get laid on a consistent basis. The problem is that this urge is motivated by our ego and leads to us showing how our world is bigger, better, more exciting and colorful than anything she could ever describe. Your world is superior. Therefore, she is inferior.
But this makes you look insecure. And women aren’t attracted to insecure men.
2. Don’t be cheap.
I’m not talking about the ongoing who-should-pay-for-dates debate. I couldn’t care less whether you pay or not—you should have your shit together to the point that paying for a date never hurts your wallet or your value. I’m talking about being a pricing know-it-all.
If a girl bought a new car and got charged higher than normal, or she ordered something online at an overpriced rate, it’s none of your damn business.
Don’t rail on her for how she got ripped off and start spouting all the places where she could have purchased her service for a cheaper rate.
Again, you come across as being judgmental and cheap—not helpful and knowledgeable. When you imply that a woman is wrong—that you are superior and therefore she is inferior—she will hold it against you.
Therefore you will not get laid.
Doesn’t matter if you work in the field where she overpaid for a product or service—if she wanted your opinion, she would ask for it.
You have no idea why she “overpaid.” Maybe they deliver overnight or for free. Maybe all her girlfriends shop there. Maybe she’s banging the car salesman and gets free servicing and a loaner vehicle every time she goes to the dealership.
Yes, women do get ripped off my unethical men. But bear in mind that if she is attractive and chooses to use her femininity to get a discounted rate, she’d easily beat whatever price your know-it-all ass could get her.
Don’t be cheap.
3. Be Respectful.
Whenever you find yourself in a discussion concerning mutual acquaintances—family or friends—always demonstrate respect in your speech.
Do not be judgmental. Tact goes a long way. My favorite response to a story about a friend who is full of crap is: “She’s quite…interesting.”
“Jen seems like she doesn’t do the “fitness thing.” She probably doesn’t have the time since she’s always busy checking out restaurants with her gang and reviewing them on Yelp.” (Fatty)
“Your friend Brittany does seem to date a lot of guys these days. Maybe she’s just searching for something her parents couldn’t give her.” (Slut. The bad kind.)
Why do you need to show tact and respect despite your true feelings? It’s simple. If you join her in bashing her friends, she will naturally assume that you do the same behind her back.
Treat her with respect as well. This means NOT treating her as one of the guys. Doesn’t matter is she loves football, shooting, video games and martial arts. She is a woman and still wants to feel desired and sexy.
Respect means reining in the compliments and dropping them when required.
Don’t gush over her.
4. Don’t talk about ex girlfriends.
This is a no-brainer. Women want to be the center of attention—there cannot be anyone in the past or future threatening her position.
When you speak about your ex girlfriends, she will assume that you still think about them and that there is a chance you could get back together. Even if there is no logical way that would happen, she will still feel emotional about the prospect.
Don’t talk shit about your ex either—she will assume that you will do the same if she’s no longer with you.
5. Steer clear of all sensitive issues.
Stay away from all belief systems. Religion, politics, feminism, environmentalism, vegetarianism, and so on. You will be tested on your belief system, but you should stay away because you never know which side of the issue she supports.
You should never deny your own position on an issue to change it to suit hers.
When you conflict in opinions—especially if you are still getting to know each other—you set the stage for a winner and a loser. Right and wrong. If she ends up feeling wrong, she’ll get emotional and defensive.
Emotional and defensive women don’t feel like dropping their panties for you.
Some women are almost militant about their beliefs and will actively seek out your opinion. If you haven’t slept with her yet, don’t tell her anything.
My favorite response:
“There are two things I believe should be private: religion and politics,” or (insert whatever politically correct issue she’s digging to find out about).
You aren’t any more of a “man” for stating that you hate feminism and vegetarians. After you sleep with her or build more trust in whatever sort of relationship you have, feel free to express your opinion.
6. Be cool.
Yelling, impatience and reactiveness destroy your chances with women.
Don’t yell. Speak from your diaphragm and think before you open your mouth.
If she’s trying to get a reaction out of you, do not react. Smile, slow it down and use humor to diffuse the tension.
Most situations with women can be diffused by non-reaction. You don’t do drama.
7. Act happy.
Women say they want a sense of humor and personality. Don’t beat yourself up trying to figure that out.
Just figure out how YOU can be happy in your life on your own.
Create the lifestyle you want, do the thing you want to do. Pick friends you enjoy, hobbies you enjoy, and live your days fully. When you are creating the life that makes you happy, you will automatically take yourself less seriously and become more humorous, developing your personality positively so you can become the sort of man women desire (the guy with the sense of humor and a good personality).
The ability to have a good time is an attractive quality to women. It demonstrates self confidence and control, which implies success and status.
8. Speak intelligently.
When was the last time you looked up a word in the dictionary? I read somewhere that the average American has an eighth grade reading comprehension level.
Most people never open a dictionary or read an educational book after graduating from college or high school.
Improving your vocabulary will help you in business, and with women. You don’t have to sound like you’re trying hard by dropping bombastic words all over the place, but you must sound like you have a clue about what you’re discussing.
If you are not familiar with a topic, don’t try and act like a know it all. Keep your mouth shut and if you do open it, do so only to ask questions and educate yourself.
Keep It Simple, Stupid.
I have literally lost women by running my mouth. It’s unattractive and smothering.
If you have a story to tell, be able to tell it in 90 seconds to 3 minutes. Short and sweet.
Women love mystery—not the man that reveals everything about himself in a 10 minute story.
10. Work on eye contact.
Eye contact is about presence and intensity. We live in a time where people just pull out their phones and start swiping through Instagram if they don’t find you interesting.
Focus on a woman when you speak to her and treat her as you would an intellectual equal. Doesn’t matter if she isn’t.
The majority of men brag about themselves, never listen, check out every chick that walks by and completely miss the nuances of their date’s body language.
Be different—no puppy dog eyes, no glaring, stalker eyes, just consistent presence and attention.
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Honestly, these are the basics to charismatic conversation. I’m guilty of a few, but I’ve worked on most. If you’re lacking in any of them, I highly recommend working on it until it becomes a part of you.
These keys help not just with women, but in business as well.
What are your thoughts? What other charismatic elements do you use in conversation? Please share in the comment section below.