This Is How You Choose The Right Woman

Shutterstock / Ysbrand Cosijn
Shutterstock / Ysbrand Cosijn

When it comes to getting a girlfriend, I believe men should aspire to the highest possible standards. Either the best or nothing else. The type of women you find most attractive and nothing less. No settling.

Before we run into the “everyone’s standard of attractiveness is different” argument, let me make it clear: When the term “attractive” is used in this post, it refers to the TOP 1% of women you find attractive.

For the average male who does not aspire to be more than average or leave their comfort zone this post will probably sting your ego, but that’s okay. Quit Porn, Get Girls is not for men who want to remain in their comfort zones.

How do you know when you’re settling?

Easy. Write down every category of woman that you think is “out of your league.”

“Out of your league” means women who possess various physical, ethnic, or even racial attributes you find extremely attractive. They’re so attractive to you that you have pedestalized (I made up that word, fuck off) those traits to the point that you feel unworthy of experiencing them…sexually.

By category, I mean BROADLY list every type of woman you feel would be intimidating to talk to. No politically correct bullshit. Some examples:

  • Fitness Models
  • Attractive Asian Women
  • Strippers
  • Teenagers
  • Light-skinned black women with green eyes

Do not list women the media tells you that you should find attractive, women your buddies find attractive, or women your family thinks are a good fit for you.

There are four main reasons why you should always choose women who are most attractive to you and never settle.

  1. I’ll start with the most controversial first: It’s the easiest and most reliable way to to accurately know how high a man’s self-esteem is. Yes. What kind of woman is he dating and having sex with? How attractive is she and how does she treat him in their relationship? We’ll get back to these questions later on. We judge men by how attractive their women are. Women do it, and men do it too.
  2. The more attractive and feminine a woman is, the easier it will be to get into a relationship with her or have sex with her. Feminine women, as a rule, respond to masculine behaviors and personalities. By “respond,” I do not mean necessarily positively, but a response is better than being blown off.
  3. Meeting a woman you find very attractive require confidence, the ability to be at ease with uncertainty and a certain amount of nervousness at first. Overcoming these hurdles and improving your confidence is critical to your development as a man. If you spend your youth being intimidated by attractive women, you only have yourself to blame when you’re pushing 50.
  4. This is the only way to be in a relationship or have sex with the woman you truly desire. Yes, you may be getting laid or in a relationship, but are having sex with or in a relationship with the WOMAN YOU DESIRE? If you are attracted to and desire curvy Asian women in their early 20s, but 9 out of 10 women to speak to are blondes, you are not going to end up with the woman your ideal woman. What happens if you approach the women you find attractive and get rejected most of the time? IT DOESN’T MATTER. It doesn’t matter how hard it is because the women you will eventually get — for sex or for a relationship — the women you WANT and the ones that you will enjoy spending time with.


The Looks vs. Personality Dilemma

Back to the self-esteem issue. Most men who are NOT dating or having sex with the woman or women they desire tend to fall back on the same tired excuse: “I have to choose between looks and personality.”

This. Is Bullshit.

When you meet a man who claims he wants more from a woman than her looks, then couples it with the “fact” that attractive women only have their looks to lean on, you have met a bullshitter.

Typical examples of bullshit “standards” given by men to rationalize their not having attractive women in their lives are:

  • I want a woman with intelligence
  • I want a woman with personality
  • I want a caring woman.
  • I want a talented woman.

These are all admirable traits and everyone should aspire to date woman who possesses some or all of these qualities. There is only one caveat to getting a woman like this: SHE MUST BE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE AS WELL.

You are not looking for a PhD-wielding lecturer, an environmentalist, a caregiver, a counselor, or a housekeeper. You are looking for a girlfriend.

Most men do not engage women who are on the top of their list in terms of attractiveness because:

  • You are afraid of rejection.
  • You are intimidated.
  • You feel unworthy of making contact with them for the explicit purpose of sex or intimacy.

When you feel unworthy of an attractive woman’s attention, you create and participate in perpetuating ridiculous claims/ myths that are accepted as universal truths by most men.

Here are the top four myths:

Myth Number 1: All attractive women are already taken.

A highly attractive woman is more likely to be single than an average looking woman. The majority of men assume that she is taken, and head for the less attractive/non-intimidating women. Thus, she is actually NOT approached as often as men would believe.

For the most part, men will ogle, drool, whistle, or yell at them because they feel too inadequate or intimidated to approach them directly. Men will approach attractive women when they are drunk, ask them what time it is, as them if they are still using the squat rack at the gym or ask for directions.

The majority of an attractive woman’s experience with men follows the above theme. As a result, most attractive women, don’t make eye contact, don’t smile and avoid men in general when in public. Can’t blame them.

Myth Number 2: All attractive women are high maintenance.

If your looks, lifestyle, and game are together, attractive women are not high maintenance. When a woman come in contact with an attractive man with a healthy self-esteem, they bring out their “good girl” behavior. If on the other hand, you have zero game and use money to compensate for your low self-esteem, you are asking to get taken. It’s not “attractive woman nature;” it’s “human nature.” You only have yourself to blame. No amount of looks, wealth or intelligence will protect you from being taken if you do not understand the nature of women.

Myth Number 3: All attractive women are dumb.

This myth is dumb. It’s dumb because it comes straight from the media. Intelligence varies among all women, attractive or not. However, attractive women are stereotyped more by the media as less intelligent. There are plenty of less attractive “dumb” women out there.

Myth Number 4: Attractive women suck in bed.

There is some truth to this, but it’s only something very few men can confirm. I’ve experienced highly attractive women who are rather lackluster in bed — meaning that they don’t participate and don’t react much. I’ve chalked this up to a sense of entitlement which they developed early in life. Men always tried to please them, so they rarely make any effort to please in bed. The other extreme is former overweight or “big” girls who lost weight to boost their self-esteem. Some of them still have a deep fear of rejection from attractive men, so they work hard in bed to please men. Nevertheless, there are many highly attractive women that are crazy, horny, and straight up sexually insatiable. More importantly, the men who pass this myth/excuse around have usually never had any sexual experience with attractive women.

Now that you know why you should date a woman YOU find attractive and we’ve got the myths out of the way, lets dig into actually screening her when you’ve found her.

The number one prerequisite for choosing a woman for a relationship is looks. Full stop. That being said, there are a few more things you should look for before you commit to anything more than a fuck buddy situation with a woman.

  • Her Family: If a woman comes from a broken home with both parents or guardians having criminal, drug or abuse patterns, she most likely has issues. Yes, it’s the cards she’s been dealt, but there are plenty of other women out there and you are not there to save her or make her life better. About 99% of the time, a decision to stay with a woman from a broken family background will bite you in the ass.
  • Her Health Goals And Habits: Stay away from unhealthy, overweight, unhygienic women. You should be on the same or similar pages when it comes to health. Hit the weights together, practice yoga together, and eat healthy.
  • Her Personality: I’ve dated women with similar personalities to mine and it was always a disaster. If there is a personality type you admire — don’t compromise. Define it and be with a woman who possesses it. Her personality should compliment yours.
  • Her Flexibility: A woman should be flexible especially when it comes to you. A willingness to compromise on most situations and let you live life on your own terms. She is at the very least, open-minded to some of your interests. If she nags, bitches, and take issue with multiple areas of your life, she’s not a good fit.
  • Her Nurturing Instinct: Does she make an effort to please you? Does she make time for you during the day? An attractive woman without a nurturing instinct is not good material for a long term relationship.



ALWAYS define your relationship and the dealbreakers.

Here are some obvious ones:

  • If she goes through a tough phase in her life where she copes by simultaneously getting multiple tattoos AND cuts her hair short — it’s over. I used to think this was ridiculous advice, but sadly,                      I’ve found it to be the first steps of a millennial woman heading to a place YOU don’t want to go. This combination is indicative of low self-esteem leading to poor decision-making.
  • We all put on weight, but if she puts on a significant amount of weight (you’ll know when you’re perplexed about how to address it with her) without any attempts to lose weight, you’re out. There is nothing wrong with a woman putting on weight. No attempt to lose it, however is unacceptable because its a battle you will fight throughout the relationship.
  • Lying and cheating. Yes, this is coming from the same man who wrote 6 Reasons To Cheat On Your Girlfriend. Regardless of my moral stance on the issue, if I was caught “cheating,” I would not ask for a second chance. She shouldn’t get one either. Trust issues will eat away at the relationship.
  • Familiarity breeds contempt. Have your own place, do not live with a woman long-term, especially during the early stages of your relationship. Neither you you should develop emotional dependence on each other.
  • Sex. Your sex drives should match each others or hers should be higher. Whenever there is stagnation in your sex life, its time to re-evaluate the relationship and find out whats wrong.


Approaching the right woman.

Sometimes women are with their friends, with a friend, and rarely alone. Whether she is at a bar with a guy (most likely not her boyfriend), shopping at Whole Foods alone, or drinking wine with her girlfriends, it is your duty, obligation and responsibility to approach her and have a conversation with the primary intent of conveying your interest in a charming, decent, and masculine manner.

The mindset to possess is this:

“I am more important that whatever she is doing and whomever she is engaged with at this moment.”

Nothing should stand in your way. Do not wait for her to make eye contact, in fact, do not wait for anything. The longer you wait to approach, the more anxiety you will build up. Anxiety leads to paralysis. You don’t approach and each time you don’t approach, your self-confidence suffers.

Experiencing anxiety when faced with approaching an attractive woman cold is normal. The only way to overcome it is to progressively desensitize yourself to the process of approaching women. Approach anxiety was one of my biggest sticking points, throughout my twenties.

Here are two of the VERY BEST resources on overcoming approach anxiety through progressive desensitization:

  1. Mark Manson’s Overcome Anxiety Course
  2. GoodLookingLoser’s Approach Anxiety Course

Approaching attractive women is ALWAYS a win-win situation. You never lose.

  1. Feeling anxiety is uncomfortable. Generating an uncomfortable feeling and doing nothing about it is a waste of energy. Don’t be anxious for nothing — approach anyway.
  2. If your anxiety causes a woman to reject you, it’s okay. The fact that you actually made the effort to approach her permanently increases your confidence. Every small step counts.
  3. Approaching a woman takes confidence. You’d be surprised at the number of attractive women that will be responsive to you simply because you took the RISK to approach them. The more you live in your role as a masculine man, the more receptive women will be to your advances.

In conclusion, never compromise on the kind of woman you want in your life. Life’s too short to give yourself excuses or pay attention to tired myths and political correct nonsense.Make attractiveness a priority and filter desirable traits next. Always define your relationships with women, and don’t get stuck in an unfulfilled relationship with a woman you are not that into.

If you suffer from social anxiety or approach anxiety, make it a priority to handle this issue as soon as possible. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This post originally appeared at Quit Porn, Get Girls.

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