Stop Your Jealousy In Your Tracks: How To Stop Feeling Envious Of Other Men

Shutterstock / Kiselev Andrey Valerevich
Shutterstock / Kiselev Andrey Valerevich

Time for a dose of reality.

Good-looking guys get more girls.

Wealthy men get more attractive women.

Women enjoy sex with men who have above average penis lengths and girths.

These are facts.

I was out last week with some guys. One of them had barely any game, but he’s very “classically” good looking. Watching him talk to women, you’d think that the mere fact that he is speaking to them guarantees that he will have sex with them. The truth, whether I like it to believe it or not, is that it usually does. That’s his reality.

Sometimes it’s rough to realize that if you’re not good looking or wealthy, or have a fantastic lifestyle, you’re going to have to put in a lot of work to get laid.

Television, the internet, advertisements, and society constantly bombard us with all these images of good looking, balling men pulling attractive women. It’s given rise to a generation of men who stand envious of other men and their achievements.

This isn’t a healthy, competitive envy either. It’s literally a learned helplessness that becomes more prevalent with each passing year. Grown men are getting butthurt over another man’s physical attributes while remaining passive and confused over what to do about it. Basically, men are taking on feminine attributes such as jealousy, which women have traditionally used to regulate their social lives, and men are now applying these attributes on a daily basis to their lives.

You’ve probably had the experience of being out on a date with a woman in a social setting when another attractive woman walks in. You’ve also probably been aware of your girl saying things such as “That dress doesn’t look good on her,” or “She’s stuck up,” or “She’s a slut.” Statements like this from a woman typically come from a place of insecurity. She’s threatened by the possibility that the other woman is more attractive than her. These statements are her attempt to re-assert her own value.

Jealousy, from an evolutionary standpoint is primarily a female trait. You can argue with me as much as you want about that statement, but I stand by it.

As a man, especially as a man that reads this, you are not supposed to worry about jealousy. You are defined by challenge. Your will and ability to create, conquer, and overcome should be your primary overriding traits. You are meant to conquer your fears. When you push through all your challenges and conquer your fear, you are living your life to the hilt — redlining it. Whether it’s quitting porn, improving your relationships with women, becoming better at attraction, or developing an amazing lifestyle, you have to push each challenge as far as you humanly can.

When you are redlining your life, you have no time to worry about whether another man looks are better than yours, whether he has more money than you or drives a nicer car. Developing jealousy over those things simply means that you are not living on purpose.

When you are jealous of another man’s looks or “beauty,” it means that you want to be a woman. Yes, I said it. You want to be so good looking that women chase you for your beauty or your wealth. When women go out to events, bars, or nightclubs, they put on makeup and wear clothes that accentuate their features in an attempt to look better than other women and be appreciated by high value men.

The fact is, you are born as a man. You don’t need to be admired for your “beauty” or your bank account balance. You have to go out and get shit if you want it.

Part of the reason for why men generate envy of other men is our generation’s spectator culture. We watch movies, and live vicariously through the lives of other men on social media.

Do you want to be someone other than yourself? Do you wish you were someone other than you? That is the lowest, basest form of existence, my friend. If you find yourself at this point in your life, you need serious help. When you don’t have a sense of purpose, you have TIME to worry about what you don’t have. If you find yourself worry about your looks, it’s time to FIGURE OUT YOUR PURPOSE and get to working on it.

Being on purpose requires laser-like focus on your goals. Think of it as walking a tightrope between two 80-story skyscrapers. Would you entertain thoughts such as “Did I close the garage door before I left the house this morning?” Probably not, because your brain would end up splattered all over the concrete within seconds.

When you are on purpose you create serious boundaries around bullshit like jealousy- you simply CANNOT AFFORD to spend time on it.

Okay, enough on that for now. If you’re a man who has been actually making an effort to get better with women and you can put down your ego long enough to admit that yes, you do generate jealousy towards other men, let’s say, because of their looks, then this is holding you back!

Here are four BASIC things you need to work on as the first steps towards letting this go:

1. Go to the gym.

Do: Lift heavy weights a minimum of four times a week and incorporate cardio into your workouts. Lifting heavy, while obviously helping you put on muscle mass, also leads to an increase in testosterone. Cardio keeps you healthier and both help you have better sex. An aesthetically pleasing body is ALWAYS a plus with women. While your physique will rarely be responsible for you getting laid, it does play a considerable role in your success with women.

Lifting involves discipline and can be a challenge that transfers into other areas of your life.

Don’t: Become obsessed with your physique to the point where you literally depend on it to get laid. I’ve been guilty of doing this many times, and after having enough men with “average” physiques, but better skills with women take women from me for several nights one year, I decided to develop the best physique I could and quit worrying about anything else physique- and fitness-related.

2. Get Style.

Do: Stay up to date with trends, but don’t become a slave to “fashion.” Wear fitted clothes that suit your physique. Brands are not important! Style and fit are. Fitted shirts, fitted suits, blazers, pocket squares, and fitting dark jeans are requirements. Customize to fit your own particular style.

Don’t: Become a fashion slave jumping on any and every fad that comes out. Don’t lie to yourself and think your style is okay. Ask the opinion of fashionable women and well-dressed men. Don’t become dependent on your style to get better with women.

3. Go On A Diet

Do: Eat clean, avoid carbohydrates, take relevant supplements, avoid processed and junk food.

Don’t: Eat clean for a few weeks then binge, and try to justify your terrible diet and resulting decline in physical attractiveness by saying stuff like “At least I have game,” and “I’m doing great at my career.” Be disciplined and consistent in your diet. You’ll look better and feel better. Elementary, really.

4. Maximize.

Do: Maximize your look by consistently working on your fitness and physique, but be content with your progress. Don’t worry that another man is more ripped than you. You are taking action and there is progress at your own pace. This is all that counts.

Maximize your style by staying up to date with trends(awareness of trends-not buying into them), finding out what works best for you and getting and opinion once in a while to check yourself. Once you’ve mastered style, there’s nothing more you can do in this department. Accept it and let all the worry about style go- forever.

Maximize your diet. Make it an unbreakable habit to only fuel your body with healthy food. Educate yourself about nutrition and supplementation. If you live in the West, especially the U.S, its very easy to be mislead about whats “healthy”. Find out what works for you. Once eating clean and healthy becomes a habit, nothing will make break it. Sure, there will be times when you have a “cheat meal” here and there, but overall, the positive impact that your diet will have on your body in the long run will keep your from trashing it.

5. Permission And Victimhood

One of the keys to understanding your envy of other men and their success is to understand permission. If you consider yourself below average in terms of attractiveness and you were to suddenly see a man who looks EXACTLY like you having consistent success with women, mentally you automatically tell yourself: “Holy shit, that guy looks exactly like me and he just went home with one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen! That means I can do this as well!” Here is visual proof that you too, can be successful. You experience a temporary surge in confidence which in the short-term, helps you with attracting women. You’ve just give yourself permission to be successful. Taking action and following through with this confidence determined whether you will grow in this area of your life or not.

On the other hand, let’s say you are a bar or club with your better looking or “classically good-looking friend.” You are both approaching ladies, and you happen to get rejected by a particularly attractive woman. As you walk away, you see your buddy making out with another woman…shortly after, you watch him take her home. Your brain screams “ He’s so much better looking than me that’s why he’s taking her home!”

You just let him steal your sense of permission. Victimhood. The minute you allow another person to take away your permission to be your best self, you become a victim.

At the end of the day, all of us are having our own unique experience of life. You may look at at another persons journey as a frame of reference to whats possible, but ultimately, your journey is yours and yours alone.

Somewhere on earth, there’s a man with a harem of women, who never needed pornography in his life, who can ejaculate on command, has trained himself to experience multiple orgasms, has women throwing themselves at him and lives a wealthy, free, and abundant lifestyle. Should you freak out, and compare his life to yours and get crazy jealous over how much his has? No. It’s pointless. That’s his journey and you have yours.


Finally, realize that LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

I did not grow up privileged.

I grew up in a household where we sometimes had nothing to eat for dinner but ketchup and bread.

I went to a school that didn’t have any lunch — I remember salivating at the amazing lunches other students parents packed for them.

I experienced crippling social anxiety all through my teenage years. I went to a school system where teachers literally told me on a weekly basis that I was retarded and my mother told me to accept the fact that I was “slow.”

I was a virgin till the age of 20 and I lost my virginity to a woman who literally chased me and threw sex at me. No game, no skills. I was hooked on porn throughout my teenage years and early 20s. My self-esteem was in the trash.

My only escape was weed and lots of porn. I’m THANKFUL to be where I am today. I dreamt of great things, but never expected much, so when I started getting women’s numbers, staying off porn for more than a month and making more than minimum wage, I was grateful just for those little things. My confidence grew slowly because I stayed consistent.

But what if a man feels that he deserves everything? What if he feels that life should be fair? That he’s entitled to the success another man has. He wonders, “ Why can’t I have his looks?” or “I should be with a woman like that, not him.” He ends up being the opposite of the man who know that life isn’t fair: a downward spiral.

Don’t take shit for granted. Things could be infinitely worse for you. You could wake up one morning paralyzed from the waist down, in prison, or never even wake up.Learned helplessness, envy, and victimhood is absolutely devastating to your life. Make a choice to get rid of these behaviors.

Stop beating yourself up. Consistently work on yourself, be grateful for all you have and remember: you’re perfectly capable of radical change in your life. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This post originally appeared at Quit Porn, Get Girls.

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