4 Ways You Can Be Confident With Women

Shutterstock / Kiselev Andrey Valerevich
Shutterstock / Kiselev Andrey Valerevich

I’m taking you back to the basics today. Whether you are a nice guy spending his weekends watching porn or a seasoned player with multiple notches, you will benefit from this article.

To be honest, I’m not a fan of writing theory, but my inbox is full of messages from guys who are ready to quit porn, quit video games, quit screwing around and start approaching, attracting and building relationships with women.. The only problem is their socialization, which holds them back.

Are you ready to flip your experience with women today?

If there is one quality that separates men from boys when it comes to success with women, it’s confidence. It is the one thing that overrides every other quality you possess as a man that could attract women. There have been volumes of material written on confidence and how to be confident, but today, I will break down what it truly means to be confident with women and give you three essential qualities you need to cement your confidence.

I spent most of my life living in fear of women. I was afraid to approach them, much less engage them romantically. I suffered from crippling social anxiety and deep insecurities which took me years to get over. One of the reasons I write is because I know that there are thousands of men out there who went through the same issues that I did. On occasion, I still feel experience anxiety and fear, but for the most part, I have eliminated them by spending a few years taking daily actions to face them.

One of the main things in my life that contributed to my lack of confidence with women was how I was raised. My mother raised me to do as I was told, to understand that she was the leader, follow her, to tell her why I behaved a certain way, to be apologetic, to jump when she said “jump,” and to be polite and respectful. My mother is a wonderful woman and all these are great qualities. There are only two problems with the way I and most men were raised.

First: Your mother does not want to have sex with you.

Second: Every quality mentioned above when replicated with a woman you actually want to have sex with is a one way ticket to the friend zone. Women love to have respectful, polite, obedient, apologetic friends. It makes them feel good to have a few of these men orbiting them, desperately hoping that the qualities mama instilled in them will someday lead to sex.

No woman desires to date a boy.

Sadly, most men today were raised this way and are caught up in being “good men” and as a result, a severely handicapped generation is coming up.

The dictionary definition of confidence is “the feeling that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.” The commonly accepted notion is that confidence is a quality that is developed as a byproduct of experience and success; something that is earned. Another notion is that it is an innate quality, present in some men and non existent in others.

I’m here to tell you that neither matters. The only thing that truly matters when it comes to confidence is that you appear confident.

That you appear reliable.

That you appear certain.

It is irrelevant whether you actually feel confident, reliable or certain.

Etch this into your memory:

Women DO NOT CARE why you are confident.

 A woman’s only concern is your behavior. The way you ACT is a good barometer of whether you would be a good candidate for sex or not.

There are many financially successful men, who have gained a fair amount of confidence from hustling in the trenches and piling on achievement after achievement. They are truly accomplished, experienced and possess an abundance of true confidence. It just doesn’t show in their appearance. As a result, the world still considers them to be lacking in confidence and subsequently, unattractive to women.

On the other hand, there are men who have absolutely no idea, or the wrong idea on how to go about with certain things in life, yet they act with such unequivocal confidence, an almost brash and bullheaded certainty, that everyone around them judges them to be confident, and as a result, attractive to women.

Women do not care whether you live in a college dorm , a cardboard box on the street, or in a multi-million dollar penthouse. Women are always falling for the “losers’ and “bad boys” because when you feel attraction to another person, you unconsciously filter out all their negative qualities and focus only on the positive.

This is most apparent in relationships when you’re with a woman who completely adores you and brags about you to her friends and family- only to turn into a raging harpy the moment you break up- going on and on about how much of a dick you were, how you treated her like dirt and how much of an asshole you were. The reality is that you probably didn’t change much. Her filter had simply changed since she was no longer focused on your positive attributes.

Just as a man is primarily concerned with a woman’s physical appearance- how sexy, healthy and fertile she looks, a woman is primarily concerned with a mansAPPEARANCE OF CONFIDENCE.

Thankfully, appearing confident – whether you are confident or not, is simple a matter of dropping some behaviors that might be holding you back, while retaining others. I’m going to out line the 3 important qualities that will completely change the way you interact with women.

1. Courage:

Your courage and confidence is all you need at the end of the day. Giving yourself permission to approach women, while expecting them to find you attractive. This is the reason why some of the most successful men who teach other men how to attract women have varying approaches and philosophies which work for them. An example is Chris from Goodlookingloser.com (*potential trigger images) who advocates a thicker penis, a fit muscular physique and a strong focus on increasing your looks among other approaches, while others like Christian Mcqueen stress the importance of being a sharp dresser and getting your finances in order. These men are convinced that their approach works because they have the results to back its up. They are both massively successful with women because their unstoppable confidence is tied in with their conviction.

Confidence on its own is absolutely useless unless it is tied in with action. The willingness to tolerate uncertainty and to be uncomfortable is courage. When you walk, talk and act as if you are the most confident man in the world, and you don’t feel that way, you are tolerating uncertainty; that is, you are demonstrating courage. People around you will assume that you are bold, relaxed, fearless, a straight shooter and more importantly, women will find you attractive.

Courageous men who are great with women: Chris (goodlookingloser.com) and Christian (realchristianmcqueen.com.)

2. Dominance:

Dominant men trust themselves more than they trust anyone else. They also put themselves first, react less, lead and are undeniably selfish. I, like most of us, was raised to view selfishness as a negative quality. As I forced myself to grow through a massive self-improvement program, I began to see that most selfless people were poor, unhappy and unfulfilled in life.

In relation to women, dominance means treating and expecting women to be submissive to you. You are either submissive, or the woman is submissive. Submissiveness is a feminine trait, and unless you are with a woman who enjoys having sex with feminine men, then brother, you will be considered to be unattractive to the vast majority of women. Dominance does not mean being an asshole. Its means looking out for yourself first.

Women are more vulnerable than men. Vulnerability, by default leads to submissiveness, which is why modern men who buy into the current trend of allowing massive doses of vulnerability into masculinity usually find themselves at the losing end of the Western justice system, robbed of their assets and children.

Take care of your self-interests, because, honestly, no one else will. You are the most important person in your life. Yes, the moment you decide that you are important and worth something, society will label you as egotistical . This is because you live in a world where religion, government, and those in power have stressed that self-sacrifice is a positive. What do religion, government and individuals of great power have in common? They require others to make sacrifices for them to maintain their positions. Be selfish.

Selfish men believe they are valuable and important.

Selfish men do not make gains at the expense of others-that destroys ones self esteem-on the contrary, they form partnerships with other selfish, high self esteem individuals.

Selfish men do not sacrifice themselves for the good of others, but they do help others because it makes them feel good.

A near perfect example of a dominant man to follow is Victor Pride who blogs atboldanddetermined.com.

3. Self Belief:

This is the corner stone, the master key- the most important tool you can ever have in your arsenal as a man. It is believing unenquivocally that absolutely any endeavour you embark upon will be successful. It cannot be argued with. It is a concentrated positive thinking, optimism and faith IV permanently stuck in your vein.

It must be mastered and moulded into your DNA. No matter how far you fall, how deep a a depression you sink into, self-belief will pull you out and set you back on the right path.

Possessing self-belief means that you believe with absolute certainty that every woman you meet wants you. Women are happy to meet you – regardless of whether they are sexually available or not. If she doesn’t text you back, you don’t check your phone 200 times waiting for a response. You move on. Most men, upon coming in contact with an attractive woman immediately react by putting her on a pedestal, placing her “out of their league,” assuming that she has a boyfriend or would be offended if they approached her.

As a result, low expectations become a self-fulfilling prophecy and are manifested the moment you approach her. Lack of self-belief also leads you to overreact when a woman doesn’t respond to your texts, fly into a jealous rage when she mentions other men she went on dates with, and assume the worst when she is late for a date. To develop self-belief, you must first realize that you made it through life so far. Undoubtedly, you face challenges of varying difficulty, but the fact remains, you are alive.

You are fully equipped with everything you need to handle every challenge that will come your way. No one- not your mother, father, lover, mentor- no one can put a dent in that belief.

Trust yourself, work every single day at building your confidence. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This post originally appeared at Quit Porn, Get Girls.

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