I first stepped into the bar scene with the specific intent of picking up a girl in September 2001. With a vodka lime in hand, I looked around at all the sexy ladies, savouring the social dynamics of the bar and the determination in my groin to take a woman home that night. It would be the beginning of one of the most significant journeys of my life, almost on par with my struggle to quit pornography. Since then, I’ve developed a healthy respect for men with game – men who have mastered the art of picking up women, men who understand women and through repeated practice have learnt how to attract them for whatever purpose – relationship, marriage or sex. Mostly sex.
I’ve spent hundreds of hours in bars learning to pick up women and I’ve hooked up with my fair share, in numerous countries and extensively in the U.S. I’ve had a ton of wingmen, some “naturals” and some pick-up artists. I’ve failed miserably at times and other times, I’ve been so excited at the hotness of the woman on my bed that I doubted I could last more than three strokes.
To be honest, I’ve still got a long way to go, mainly because my standards when it comes to the skillset of getting girls are very high and because, like most men, no matter how seasoned, you realize there’s always a new frontier that defies all the conventional wisdom gleaned from your years of experience. However, I’ve picked up enough girls from bars to realize that I’m better than 90% (probably more) of guys that go to bars to pick up women. Without further ado, here’s my personal guide for picking up women in bars and nightclubs.
One of the first things I do when I know that I’m going to a bar that night is get into the right mindset. That could be pre-gaming with buddies (who know how to pick up women), or just listening to music that pumps me up. I also try to progressively work myself up to being more social than normal. This usually involves talking and being social in situations that I normally wouldn’t. I’ll talk to people on elevators, in grocery stores, on the bus, wherever. The point of being social is to arrive at the bar in a social mood, ready to conquer.
Do not be a “phone number guy”. Phone numbers from bars are practically useless. Getting phone numbers in a bar might work for your earlier in your bar adventures as you try to gain confidence, but I highly recommend only getting phone numbers when you are certain the number will lead to sex that night. The mindset of “sex tonight” is powerful because it is transmuted into confidence when you speak to women. The man who goes out to a bar to get laid either gets laid or doesn’t. The man who goes out to get a phone number may get a phone number, but doesn’t get laid.The man who goes out to practice talking to women doesn’t get get anything. Your mindset when you walk into a bar is extremely important. If you’re in a bad mood, stay home. But don’t watch porn.
The most important components to your night of picking up girls in a bar are:
1. Pop the night’s cherry
I’m sure you’ve had the horrible experience of going to a bar, grabbing a few drinks before you talk to any women and promptly not talking to any women for the rest of the night. Popping the cherry means, talking to women or groups the minute you walk into the bar.I advocate talking to the first woman you lay eyes on, regardless of the circumstance. She could be the the bartender, with her boyfriend, in a huge pack of girls, extremely unattractive, it doesn’t matter. Step up and talk to her. This officially takes the virginity of the night and your are more likely to talk to girls all night long. Once you’ve broken the seal, you’ve got to keep talking to girls, which is of course easier said than done. This leads us to…
2. Position yourself strategically
First off, never stand by the dance floor with the rest of the herd. Guys seem to think that a woman will make eye contact with them and invite them to the dance floor. It just doesn’t work that way. Secondly, never stand near the entrance of the bar. I’m guilty of making this rookie mistake just a few weeks ago. A hot blonde walks into the bar with her friend 15 minutes before closing time. It was one of those nights where nothing was hooking and I had basically burned through 11-12 girls. I approach her as she makes a beeline for the bar; I’ve barely said one word and she says “I just want to get a fucking drink, buddy.” Well she got her drink and left the club with another guy. Guess where he was standing? By the the ladies bathroom. I’d rank the bar as the best place to stand followed by the ladies room. Plant yourself wherever female traffic is highest and increase your probability of meeting women.
3. You MUST approach
Going to a bar and not approaching is unacceptable. If your goal is to eventually get girls home from bars, you must talk to at least 3 women each night you go out. You should have an opening line, but don’t agonize over it. My best opening lines have been the ones I spat out when I approached an attractive woman and my mind went blank. At that point, whatever came out was spontaneous, genuine and true. Those are the best lines. Alternatively, you can use direct lines like:
“This is absolutely random, but I just had to tell you how sexy you are”
“I love this DJ!”
or a simply raise your glass towards her and say, “Cheers.”
4. Be Aware
Most guys that go to bars are absolutely unaware of multiple openings for them to approach and even more oblivious to women who are obvious targets. When I go to bars there are two types of women I look for mainly. The first are women who are doing shots and the second are women who are looking around.Women doing shots are only doing it for one reason; they want to get uninhibited as soon as possible because its a special night. Seriously, when you see a woman doing shots, you should approach her as soon as possible, as you only have a limited window before she gets wild and is approached by another guy who might successfully pick her up.
Women who have their head on swivel are the second types of women I keep my eyes peeled for. Women in bars are usually in groups .Some might be interested in hooking up, but thanks to most guys lacking the courage to approach, a lot of women get impatient and begin to search for guys to make eye contact with to expedite the hooking up process. Make solid eye contact and approach, knowing that the chances of making a connection with this girl are very high. It’s also important to keep an eye out for women who find you attractive. So many guys walk around the bar without realizing that there are women who are specifically interested in your physical appearance. She may be attracted to your race, your looks, your hairstyle or your body type. Be Aware.
5. Watch the Clock
Always make an effort to arrive at a bar or nightclub as early as possible. If the bar opens at 9PM, try and be there at 10:30PM. Arriving early at the club allows you to avoid the lines and gives you access to the women who already are at the club without the barrier of competition. Most guys don’t arrive to the club till later in the night, either due to extensive pre-gaming or out of habit. The rule of thumb is: the earlier you arrive at the club, the better your chances of getting laid; the later you arrive at the club, the worse your chances.
When in the club, realize that you have a specific purpose – to get laid. As time goes on, the bar will fill up with men. Drunk men fueled by liquid courage who will become your competition. Most women would have paired off with the guy who they will be having sex with that night and the rest will be most likely unattractive or no planning on leaving with anyone.
Some nights I approach women till I meet one that’s cool and likely to go home with me that night. By “cool,” I mean I have screened her for logistics such as who she is with, how she’s getting home, if she has to work the next day, if she lives in another town, if shes the designated driver and so on. If logistics pan out, I usually spend the rest of the night with her and leave with her at the end of the night. I’ve seen many guys especially “pickup artists” spend the night approaching as many women as possible, making out randomly and then leaving alone. Find a woman who is ready to go, and whose logistics pan out, then stick with her till the end end of the night or till you can leave the club with her.
6. Be Happy
As I stated earlier, mindset is key. Ever been at the bar with your group of guys, swapping stories and having a good time ignoring girls and suddenly realize that there are a suddenly a bunch of women close to you? Be fun and loud at the bar. Women gravitate towards men who seem to be having a great time, they want to be a part of it. Those who want to be approached will give openings to guys and they are more likely to make openings available to men who are having a great time. Going to the bar with the intent of taking home a woman backfires if you don’t feel great while doing it. Sure, you will get rejected, but that should not stop you from smiling, laughing when possible, and having a great time.
7. Avoid cockblocks and don’t cockblock yourself
If you are at a bar alone, most guys you will meet at a bar are not going to be good wingmen. I might talk to a group of guys a or a guy to keep myself in a social mood, but I will rarely introduce myself to a guy unless he is part of a group that includes a woman I am trying to get that night. Chances are the guy will end up cockblocking you which means stopping you from getting laid for some reason or the other. Usually jealousy, or a bad habit of cockblocking. Stick with guys in your group or go alone and try to avoid winging with other guys.
Don’t cockblock yourself by being timid or oblivious to a woman’s suggestions. If a woman tells you at the end of the night that she lives just down the street and has the most adorable cat ever, don’t reply with “Cool, well let me get your number – I’d love to meet Captain Whiskers sometime.” That’s cockblocking yourself. Go to her place immediately.
8. Don’t walk all over the bar
One of the first lessons I learnt in my early bar days was to avoid wandering all over the bar. You social value decreases when you are observed meandering around alone or with your pack of guys. Stay in one area and anchor yourself to the bar/pillar or whatever area you have chosen as your territory. You’ll look less conspicuous maintain some value versus being recognized by everyone in the bar as the “reject” walking around.
9. Control your Buzz (and your booze)
If you love a few drinks as I do, go ahead and indulge yourself, but don’t get drunk. Being drunk messes up you game because you’re not sharp, you smell like an alcoholic, you’re probably spitting on her and you’re slurring your words. Your best bet is to not drink, but if you do, drink till you are slightly buzzed, then switch to water. A good buzz loosens up your inhibitions and helps you have a good time. Don’t be the guy who gets trashed and goes home alone. Getting drunk also lowers your inhibitions to the point that you might do something you might really regret, like watch porn or masturbate.
10. Always be closing
Closing is essential. You must be able to bring the woman you’ve been talking to at the bar back to your place. One of the ways to differentiate yourself from other guys in a bar is to always be touching women you meet at a bar as soon as possible while escalating to the point of leaving the bar. When the time come to leave with the woman, I’ve usually physically escalated to the point that its assumed she will go back with me. If shes very turned on, a line I usually use is, “I’m going to take you home and kiss you all over your body.” It’s direct, and it works. Other times, I just say, “Lets continue the party at my place,” then grab her hand and leave.