Day 3: Tuesday – How To Receive Organic Messages
My plan for today was to finish up going through my initial search of women to message, which actually didn’t take long. It’s amazing how many people write such generic profiles. Women always say the same three things: “friends and family are really important to me,” “I’m fun-loving and like going out, but I also like to stay in,” and “I love Netflix.” Congratulations, you’ve just described every single person on the planet. Fun-loving? Have you ever met someone that hates fun? But sticking to strategy #2, I have to give them the benefit of the doubt, that maybe they’re not great at describing themselves, because not many people are. Of the emails that I sent today, I most look forward to hearing back from a woman from Montreal and a nurse from UCLA.
Because of the final paragraph of my profile, I’m starting to get a few messages sent to me. Here’s what I wrote for the OK Cupid profile prompt of “You should message me if…”:
“If I see you, I’m definitely going to send you a proper message first and ask you out sooner than later, but with 20,000 (?) LA women on this site, there’s a chance you may see me first.”
This makes my motives for messaging them transparent with the ultimate intent of meeting them IRL, but also wisely let’s them know what they’re up against. I got a message from a 23 year old and a woman that doesn’t fit my “body type” filter. As a man it’s flattering to get ANY organic message from a woman, unless you count the porn-bot that emailed me the first day.
I just noticed there’s an IM function if you use the app. I don’t want to use the app. Using apps encroaches upon my personal time. With the website, I log on and check when I have time. With the app, it’s always there sitting in my pocket when I should be doing things like reading, listening to the wind rustle the leaves, or talking to that girl looking at me. Here’s why IM is an advantage though, because of the current trend of FOMO and “plan shopping,” no one likes to commit to going out, even with their own friends. Everyone is trying to maximize their plans for their night, when they don’t realize they’re minimizing their friendships and their lives. Since that’s not going to change, what if the best way to meet someone IRL is to catch them when their greedy “plan shopping” backfired and they’re free that night? Either way I’m not going to use the app.
Day 4: Wednesday – Go On A Date
My family and I took my 2.5 year old niece to Knotts’s Berry Farm that day, so I didn’t have time to log in to OK Cupid. By nightfall, I had to re-enact the final scene to Ferris Bueller where he’s running through backyards and jumping over bushes in order to get to my date on time in Culver City with Kim. We had a really great time. In fact, it was so good that my brain started to do that thing where it goes, “Wow, she seems really cool. Something must be wrong with her. She probably kicks puppies on her days off, or even worse, she’s a vegan.” Also, this is LA, just because you went out and had a great time with someone doesn’t mean you’re going to see him or her again.
When I got home that night, in order to not put all of my eggs in one online dating basket, I forced myself to message someone. A beautiful woman that loves Bukowski enough to get a poem of his tattooed on her ribs. Using a literary figure as the main pivot of a message was easy for me.
Day 5: Thursday – Seeing The Bottom Of The Bowl
Online dating is like going to a Mexican restaurant where they put a bowl of chips and salsa in front of you. You’re going to go for the beautiful in-tact chips at the top. Then you’re going to go for the broken chips in the middle. Then the pieces that broke off from the broken chips. Then at the bottom of the bowl there’s just dust. In order to make the whole experience better, pay extra for the guac (i.e. shell out for the A-list features on OKC). The problem right now is, I can already start to see the bottom of the bowl.
Here’s the question I start to ask myself: Am I being too picky or is there just not a lot of quality out there? In fairness to yourself, if you’re asking this question, is it really bad if you are picky? Keep in mind that you have to be realistic to your market value though, you can’t be a basement-dwelling unemployed fat guy and believe you deserve a Victoria’s Secret model. By lowering your standards, you’re only doing a disservice to her and yourself, because no one wants to date someone that settled for them. The great thing about being a man though, is that most of us would rather be single, than settle. Partially because of societal norms but mostly because of genetics, we have less fear of being alone and a larger window for which to find a mate. I’m no 10 though, so I know I’m going to have to compromise, but how much?
It’s a tremendously different feeling for men logging on to OK Cupid, because I know I’m going to have to do work. It’s not like women that get to log on and leisurely check their messages from their thrones. When a man logs on to OK Cupid, it’s like giving himself another job. But even if you’re religious or not (I’m not), you can understand the quote: “God knows how to put a price on his treasures.”
So I’m going to put the effort forth because Hollywood and pop music keep telling me that love is the ultimate reward. I’m kidding. It is. Here, watch Ewan McGregor sing in Moulin Rouge if you’re too much of a cynical robot to understand that.
I found a problem. The “Quickmatch” feature, which is just like Tinder, showed me a girl that I have never seen before. After further investigation, I realized it’s because under “body type” she left it blank. Makes perfect sense, women don’t like to be judged by their weight (a choice), even though it’s perfectly OK for them to judge us by our height (genetics). So this is going to open up a ton of options for women. I’ll figure out what to do with that later but in the meantime I’ll send this one a message. Looks like she loves “to laughter.” My, we have so much in common.
Apparently if someone’s mailbox gets too full (i.e. she’s desirable), she takes up too much server space over at the OKC dungeons so I have to pay a $1 to message this woman that isn’t tidy enough to clean her own inbox. While a $1 is only a $1, it seems petty that OKC wants to charge me even more money when I already paid. And if I do pay this money, from a business perspective, why wouldn’t the site just tell me that for every woman I try to message from now on.
The UCLA nurse responded and I replied.
Wait until you read what happens later in the week! (Stay Tuned for Days 6 & 7)
Read Days 1 and 2 here