How To Be Adorkable

I remember the time I brought one of my ex-girlfriends to see Zooey Deschanel and her band She & Him at the LA Times Food and Wine Festival. Although she was familiar with her celebrity she was mostly attending the event to be the dutiful girlfriend supporting my musical interests. Well, that and the free food. After each song I could feel her love for Zooey grow when she said things like “ughh I love her dress,” “she’s so awesomely awkward on stage,” and “I feel like we could be best friends!” The phenomenon I had witnessed first hand was the same spell America had been put under when her TV show New Girl, and thus Zooey herself, was given the endearing, if cheesy, adjective of “adorkable.” Men want to date her and women want to befriend her, but what are the actual qualities that make her so charismatic? And how can you model yourself to be your very own Zooey?

Have eccentric skills and interests.

Zooey has the market cornered on the ukulele and old jazz songs so you’re going to have to up your game on this one. May I suggest the accordion or the harmonica? Now you can effortlessly rip polka and/or blues tunes to topics like “these buttons on my dress are too big” or “I have too many different types of spoons.” When asked about your hobbies in interviews, constantly try to reference things like your bottle opener display case, vintage doorknob collection, or all the memorabilia you own from the set of “Bonanza.” And I would also recommend you change your name to something unique like “Zoe” but spell it unlike anyone else (may I suggest “Zoweee”).

Be attractive, but not too attractive.

It’s a tricky line to toe, but you want men to feel like you’re the approachable “girl next door” type without having women hate you because you get all the male attention. So what should you do to get both guys and girls attracted to you but not in a way that they will feel you’re a threat? One word: bangs. That’s right, guys will instantly be less sexually attracted to you and you will still have a hours of built in conversation with other women. So go ahead and banish yourself to being type cast as Kate Hudson’s peculiar friend in all future rom coms.

Get an eccentric style of your own.

Girls love fashion, clothes, and playing dress up (or so I’ve heard), so why would you want to look like any other girl that shops at H&M and Zara when you can totally go vintage or at least pretend like you are by shopping at Anthropologie? Wear glasses when you don’t have to, carry around a pet salamander, and declare your love for bedazzling with a funky T-shirt. Now any girl can feel like she can come up to you and say “OMG I love your shoes/dress/brooch.” Instant ice-breaker. As a bonus, you will look refreshingly unlike every other girl in town, so guys will think “oooohhh, wow, she’s so exotic.”

Try to develop a really odd speech pattern.

Think of yourself as an adorable Yoda. Use words that hardly anyone does in the 21st century. Instead of “bedroom,” say “boudoir.” Instead of “cat,” say “kitty cat.” Instead of “right,” say “starboard.” Now mix up the order of your verbs and nouns liberally in speech and “on way to adorkable can you be.”

As a fan of Zooey that frequently gets lost in a YouTube nexus of her music I notice that the one unifying thing with all of her qualities is that she’s confident in herself. While she may ham up the “quirky girl” at times to uphold public image I do believe that is actually who she is at the core.

Whatever it is that you are, “adorkable” or not, just own it — but make sure to buy it secondhand. TC mark

image – Elvin C

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  • btst

    more like “how to be extremely annoying at trying too hard to be unique and cute” 

  • bee

    be seth cohen

    • guest

      funny enough i’m watching the oc as i read this. seth <3

  • http://twitter.com/katiereedII Katie Reed

    This would’ve been much better article if it focused on how to be “adorkable” in general, and not strictly in a Zooey Deschanel style.

    • http://twitter.com/mahrko_G Marco Gutierrez

      I feel like Zooey is the very essence of “adorkable”.

      But then again I’m a dude and completely biased. 

  • riles

    I feel like every man I know that is into the whole Zooey Deschanel thing and calls her his “dream woman,” always date the most cookie cutter ~lamestream~ girls. Apparently “quirky” and “adorkable” are only attractive from far away. 

  • rick

    ugh fuck this, badass could drown quirky in its own antique handpainted bathtub any day. and fuck ukuleles always and forever.

    • riles

      I love you. 

    • Abbey

      Hahaha! Thank you, finally someone sees that quirky is exactly that: quirky.

  • http://twitter.com/thbrogan Taylor B.

    DOWN WITH THE MANIC PIXIE DREAM EMPIRE.

  • Erin

    What’s wrong with bangs?!

  • Anonymous

    As a bang girl, so true about the bangs. By experience I’ve found that they aren’t exactly a guy magnet per se.

    • currently bangless (x2)

      LOL i have the opposite problem. apparently i’m unbangable (haha get it) sans bangs 

      • Rishtopher

        Omg, ok, I know it probably wasn’t that funny but I laughed out loud. Thanks for that lol. 

    • Dv_23_23

      I have had far more guys compliment my bangs than girls. I know a lot of guys that love bangs.

    • Abbey

      Well I just stay in the middle: I do have bangs but they aren’t full bangs like Zooey’s. I just find that if you get a side bang rather than full bangs, it allows you to have a little extra style in your hair without completely covering your forehead. A lot of guys don’t like full bangs most likely because it frames the face so weirdly and they usually cover the eyebrows (and many people don’t realize how much eyebrows can change how you look). To be completely honest, I think Zooey looks better without her full bangs. Side bangs look fine because then more of her face is showing. She looks cute with just a middle part and layers, too. Haha if you google her and find a pic of her without full bangs you’ll see what I mean.

  • Anonymous

    be white, thin, helpless, and pander to omega male insecurities? HOW NOVEL.

  • vicky

    so that’s why guys wouldn’t want to date me?? my bangs??? i can’t have my hair the way i want it because it makes me too quirky and unattractive??? D”: LOL OKAY

  • queenie

    So that whole “Simpons did it” meme? Gawker did it. 

  • Anonymous

    Can we PLEASE ban the word “adorkable” from the English language? Or every language for that matter? It’s like nails on a chalkboard… 

    • Meerghan

      yes, i feel the exact same

  • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

    actually:
    spend all years at school unintentionally being loser social outcast and thus never learn status-quo social behavior
    give up, be lone wolf
    suddenly wake up attractive in early 20s
    boom, instant aphrodite

  • cheeseplatter

    or you could just be yourself instead of trying to force cliche idiosyncrasies and see where that gets you

    • http://twitter.com/hannahchloe_ hannah chloe.

      whaaaat? revolutionary.

  • bangs foreverrr

    i totally agree guys don’t seem nearly as attracted to bangs which is very annoying since i feel like i look way better with them! meh

  • http://twitter.com/sunkenship87 Nguyen Phuong Thu

    “How to be Zooey Deschanel” as the exact title pls. I was a fan of hers until I saw New Girl, one of the most boring TV shows EVER.

  • Pajamas

    Zooey Deschanel without bangs is considerably less attractive the Zooey Deschanel with bangs. It’s like the bangs took her from generic cute chick to adorably spectacular instantly.

  • NeverAdorkable

    Sweeping generalisation on the bangs – a lot of hot people out there with bangs, Cece in New Girl included.

  • penny

    i love zooey. Great article. Love love love it and I don’t care who knows it.

  • Jo.B.

    Sorry, but “adorkable”? Really? Truly awkward people are not cute, they are socially unaware and they make everyone else feel awkward too. So-called “adorkable” people are completely contrived personalities, who know exactly how much quirky behaviour will be tolerated before you feel the urge to say something like “uhh, sure, cool…” and make your escape. They’re fake. Manipulative. This article is the silliest piece of drivel, celebrating one of the silliest, most contrived celebrity personalities, that I have seen in a long time. Get a life.

    • rose georgia

      wow….

    • Abbey

      Uh, sounds like you need to get a life.

  • Renee Campbell

    i might be in the minority but i don’t find zooey with her doe eyes adorkable. 500 days of summer ruined that for me.

    that chick who played katniss – now her, in interviews, she seems “adorkable”

  • http://twitter.com/meganfauxxxx meg davies

    This entire article was incredibly misleading – you should of titled it, “How you will never be like the PERFECT GODDESS that is Zooey Deschanel and why you should feel bad about it and tailor yourself to fit what I think every girl should be.” Sorry, I like me for me, and every other girl should like themselves for who they are, too. You know who I’d like to see have a show on television? Jennifer Lawrence. Now she actually is, er, ‘adorkable’. 

    • Jenesuispasmorrissey

      *should have

      • Abbey

        *should’ve is what she meant, seeming “should of” sounds like “should’ve”.

        Actually, scratch that, I don’t WANNA be a grammar nazi. It’s not like we’re writing an article for a magazine or something; we are simply making comments. No need to get on people for their use of grammar, especially when the person who commented above you had much better grammar than the whole teenager slang thing (e.g. “lol u r funny”). And yes I know not all teenagers do that; I am a teenager myself.

  • Ana

    I have bangs and I’m insulted.

  • Victoria

    “And I would also recommend you change your name to something unique like “Zoe” but spell it unlike anyone else (may I suggest “Zoweee”)”- She was named after a character in the book “Franny and Zooey”, it wasn’t spelt that way on a whim.

  • Abbey

    On the whole bangs issue:
    It just really applies to full bangs if you ask me. A girl can still look beautiful with full bangs, but they’re much harder to pull off. You must have a specific face shape and certain features.
    Whereas side bangs show more of the face and don’t cover the forehead. Take Zooey’s bangs in the “In The Sun” music video. They’re super cute and definitely not overwhelming or a man-repeller at all. It’s just the full bangs that can be a man-repeller either if you don’t style them right or you don’t look good enough to pull them off. I honestly like Zooey’s side bangs better. Full bangs paired with her doe eyes is too much; but that’s just my opinion.
    I haven’t ever tried full bangs; I’m too scared to do so, because when my side bangs were bigger and more side-swept, they didn’t look good on my face at all. My bangs are smaller and angled now an I’m happy with the look so I’ll stay right here.
    You also must put in the fact that anyone can pull off any bangs with makeup; I don’t wear ANY makeup.
    But anyways, case in point: full bangs like Zooey’s are really the only ones that can be unflattering and a man-repeller even if you’re as pretty as Zooey. But be who you want! If full bangs are you’re style, don’t let anyone tell you not to have them! My hair is naturally super curly and everyone loves it and says they want it etc… But guess what? I don’t like my hair curly or straight. I like it wavy. So despite the effort I have to put in everyday to do my hair, that’s my style and what I feel good in, so that’s what I’ll have.

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