When Should A Man Tell A Woman He’s Expecting Sex?

Flickr / Dallas Krentzel
Flickr / Dallas Krentzel

I recently went to an event that focused on relationships. One of the emcees kicked the night off by telling us this story:

I cooked dinner for this girl & after we ate we started to make out. Everything was going great and I thought we were taking things all the way but she abruptly stopped me before things got too hot & heavy. When I asked her what was wrong, she said was waiting to have sex until she met someone that was “deserving.” Was I not “deserving” enough? What does that even mean? I respected her wishes but needless to say the date went downhill from there.

The question he then posed to the group was: “Shouldn’t a woman tell a guy right away if she’s not giving it up?”

I started to wonder—when is the best time to tell a guy that you’re celibate? I’ve always been afraid that if I volunteer that information too soon he might reject me before deciding if I’m worth the wait (which I am). Of course, a man reserves the right to decide whether or not he can handle celibacy, but isn’t it up to me to decide when to break that news? I certainly wouldn’t want to lead a guy on, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to tell a guy that I’m not sexually active during our first phone date either. Truth be told, I would love for a man to tell me that he’s practicing celibacy before I tell him, but that’s another story.

What about those women who have some sort of 90-day rule? Do you tell the guy up front that he has to wait 90 days before you’ll sleep with him? Or do you just keep fighting him off until day 91? That doesn’t seem too effective because most men would probably just put in their time until “payday”. I don’t understand the point of announcing the exact date that you plan on having sex with a person anyway (day 93, day 100, etc.) but that’s just me.

So, then the discussion flipped on the men. Someone asked the emcee, “When would have been a good time to tell your date that you wanted to have sex with her on the 1st date?” LOL! The emcee didn’t have a good response but it was still a very good question. If a woman is expected to “put out” because you provided her dinner, shouldn’t you tell her in advance that’s what you’re expecting?

We all know that men want sex and they want it as soon as they can get it. Most women would be turned off if a man was too up front about it, but the man still has a responsibility to be completely honest about his expectations, too. Men, you set the tone for the relationship and if the tone is off there won’t be any harmony.

Just like a man won’t tell a woman exactly whether he’s expecting sex on the first, second, or third date, she shouldn’t have to disclose exactly when she plans on sleeping with him.

What do you think? Should a man tell a woman when he expects her to ‘put out’? Or should the woman have to announce her plans for intimacy right away? TC mark

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