In a group discussion, we were asked – “What’s the difference between love and being in love?”
At first, I laughed at this – I thought is there even a difference between the two? Aren’t they the same thing? You are in love with the person you love, right? Or have I been wrong all my life?
I listened to all their answers – whilst doing so, you suddenly popped into my mind.
I remembered feeling jittery when our eyes first met –
how my world started to have colors when you showed in it.
I will never forget the first time you said my name –
how the butterflies in my stomach almost made me throw up for fluttering too much.
Imagining how our first date would be had always filled my mind –
it actually felt nice creating scenarios of you and me in my head.
Seeing a glimpse of you made my day,
and not seeing your name on the screen of my phone kept me at bay.
I knew it then that I’ve fallen in love – with your careful words, your smooth moves, soothing advises, and the idea of ‘us’.
But it drastically changed when I got to know you better –
when I learned how you felt lonely most of the time, I got more eager to let you feel that you’re not alone – that I’m here to keep you company.
When you told me that you’ve had enough pain and heartbreaks from before,
I wanted to be the person who can give you cure and remedy.
You were falling apart and nobody knew –
but I tried my best to be there for you.
I wanted to wrap you in my loving arms and shower you with reassuring kisses
to let you know that as long as I’m here, someone adores you unconditionally.
I knew how vulnerable you were – you stripped your soul naked in front of me
but I didn’t bother; it got me drawn closer to you instead.
I craved to be your confidante – the one, who can wipe your tears away,
the one who can replace your fears and doubts with self-love and self-worth.
I wanted to let you feel how perfect you are – that you are wise, gentle, and kind – aside from being extremely attractive and cute.
When I found myself using my mind – by trying to know ways on how I can make you feel better, telling that you deserve all the love in this world – and my heart, for feeling too much emotion dedicated only for you, I realized that I was done falling; I already love you.
As the group discussion went on, I learned that love and being in love are truthfully two different things – the depth, the intensity, and the purpose distinguish each.
Being in love is the attraction – the butterflies and shallow sentiments that he/she gives you; the temporary effect that you get from the moment you knew each other. And love is the firm decision that you are devoting your heart and soul for that person, no matter how hard the situation is and in spite of all the deficiencies that he/she has a human being.
And from that day on, I recognized that I love you – I can’t explain how or why, but honey, I know now – I do.