If I Will Love Again, I Just Want It To Be With You

JD Mason / Unsplash

I was once called a ‘playgirl’ – flirting with one boy after another, but never allowing it to get to the next level – I just loved the idea of having someone to talk to each day, someone who’d take care of me, or someone who can make me smile whenever I was blue.

No one can blame me though – I did love wholeheartedly once, before. I remember so vividly, how he managed to lure me into his trap – his perfectly fabricated words and actions that made me think love finally came to me. That time, I was sure that he was my soul mate; brought forth to make me realize I deserve to be treated like a princess, but maybe for him, I was just a maiden – someone he’ll just pass by when he sees the girl he wants to be with already.

That part of my life changed me – molded me to become the girl, that a man would not dare date. I was a complete mess – fixation was not on the horizon.

And then, I met you.

You were like the streak of light that guided me out of the void of darkness that I was in. You walked towards me and from then, I knew that you were the angel that God sent to save me from my misery.

You were kind and gentle – so fine and beautiful. We shared secrets we can’t dare tell anyone, shared glimpses that you and I only know the meaning behind it, shared the deepest parts of our souls with each other and became our own remedy.

You were somewhat like a prince – you fulfilled the fantasy I had when I first fell in love, but this time, I knew you’re not an inch close to the guy who broke me. You were something else – far better, wiser – can you be my lover?

I was falling – hard – I was almost down on my knees to beg you to be mine. But I was still scarred from the last time I loved someone. I was still unsure, doubtful, and hesitant to completely let you in my life. I even began questioning your intentions in getting close to me – were you just some kind of bandit who wants to steal my heart just to break it again? Were you like the other guys who flirted with me because they knew I was available?

I was clueless.

It dawned on me though, what was I so afraid of? Why can’t I just let myself enjoy and be glad that I have you here in my universe?

So now, I can say, that it’s okay – it’s okay to let myself be vulnerable once more, to open my heart once again, and never deprive myself of the happiness that I deserve. I know now that it’s okay to let my guards down, it’s okay to take risks, and it’s okay to be brave in love once in a while.

Right now, I’m sure that I want to love – and I’m brave enough to say that you also deserve to be loved – you deserve someone who can take care of you, soothe your back when your demons lurk around and try to get to you, and someone who can bring that smile that can light up anyone’s day. I want to be that person – I want to love you.

If now is the time for me to fall in love, I’d fall in love with you. If now is the time for me to share the intense feeling I keep inside with someone I hold dear, I’d rather pour it all for you. And if now is the time for me to get hurt again, I’ll be alright – you’re worth all the impending hurts that will come my way – you are worth all the love and pain I’d feel in this collision that the universe led us in. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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