Stop ‘Benching’ And Giving People ‘Breadcrumbs’

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Jack Finnigan / Unsplash

Isn’t it weird that this generation has successfully come up with their own terminologies and jargons to describe one thing, emotions, or feelings?

Indeed, the wheel of life is turning rather rapidly – we can’t do anything about it though, change is good but we all should know that too of much anything is bad.

In modern dating, for example, we always hear that “Chivalry is Dead” – it may or may not be true, depending on the circumstance or the depth of the feelings one has for his other half.

Today, we hear different terms that are associated with how people manage their ‘relationships’ ( or lack thereof ) like Ghosting, Benching, Breadcrumbing, and many others – and I think this is the time to let the world know that ANY OF THESE is not a good thing to experience; it’s degrading, heartbreaking, and most of all, self-depreciating.

How can someone be so good at pretending – so consistent in showering you with love for days, weeks, and even months – only to leave when you have already fallen hard? Ghosting is the most hurtful way of ending things with someone because the other party doesn’t know that it has indeed ended; because ghosters just leave without even giving heads up. It’s like killing a flower that hasn’t even started to bloom fully.

Another cruel thing that you can experience is being ‘benched on’. Benching, in its sense, is putting someone in that ‘maybe’ circle. You’ll know that it’s happening to you when he equally gives you the time and effort that you give him, only, you see and feel that it’s clearly going nowhere – like he’s taking you but not taking you all the way. There is a ‘0.0001 chance’ but they put you in that circle to see if there is someone better or to check out other possibilities. Cruel, huh?

But breadcrumbing is even worse – someone gives you ‘breadcrumbs’ or subtle ways of conveying that he is interested in you without knowing for a fact that he’s also pursuing other options. However, they go on and off with the communication – they can be so sweet today, leaves your message unanswered for days, then they’ll come back and be affectionate once more. You clearly don’t know if you have a chance to be together because he leaves you hanging all the time, but obviously, there is no chance at all – you’ll feel like you’re just an option when he’s bored or if the other girls he’s pursuing are not available at the moment. Hurts, right?

What’s wrong with the present dating situation is that others just can’t blurt out what they’re really feeling – if you love someone, show them you care, and if you don’t then don’t act as if you do. It’s a simple logic, honestly. And what do you get from giving people false hopes? Or how do you feel when you have a lot of ‘choices’ – does it boost your ego, does it make you feel more like a man ( or a woman )?

Playing with people’s feelings will never be funny – it’s, in fact, one of the worse things that you can do to someone. You may not know it, but these simple lies and façade can truly damage a person’s heart and soul – not to mention his or her belief in love and experiencing happiness for that matter.

This is not generalizing everyone but rather just an observation as to how genuine dating and committing went from 100 to 0 real quick.

If you are you are experiencing any of these, please, try to stay away from those who can’t see your worth – no one can save you, but yourself. And if you are ever doing this to anyone, I hope you realize that you are slowly destructing that person little by little – so minuscule that you can’t tangibly see the chaos you’ve caused because it’s buried deep in their chests. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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