When I saw your face in pictures on Facebook and on Snapchat today, it brought back so many memories. That was the same party where we started all of this a year ago. I can clearly remember the excitement on your face when I walked in the door, the feeling that I know we both shared instantly, and I knew those months of tension between us were finally going to be answered. And they were. It was wonderful…for a while. But then I realized, that’s NOT the same face in my picture from a year ago.
I thought because of the way that our “relationship” went from there, things would be perfect. It had finally happened, and although there were plenty of ups and downs, the way you acted with me made me feel like no one or nothing would come between us. I looked in your eyes and saw the way you looked at me, and it sounds cheesy, but it was like everything was okay again. Little did I know a large storm was brewing that would take me over and drown me for the next year.
You’ve become a ghost that’s haunting me. Maybe you don’t even mean to, but you’re always here. I’ve had moments where I miss you with every cell that is in my body and would give anything to be with you one last time. And I’ve had moments where I think that I’m completely over you and you won’t take up an ounce of my energy even more.
I now know that neither of those are true. I realized today that I don’t think I’ll ever be over you. But I also wouldn’t give up anything that I have now to see you again. You gave me something I never had before. While you may not have felt for the first time with me as I did with you, I think you may have been the first person I loved. So while I’ll always love you for giving me that, and hate you for ripping it away, I’m not going to let it affect me anymore. It happened. It’s over now. It will always be a part of me because that isn’t something you magically get over or let go of, but it won’t consume my life anymore. I’ve spent hours crying for the last time.
I’m done trying to keep up with what you’re doing in your life, trying to feel like I still know you, because the sad part is I don’t, and I may not ever know you again. But I’m done reminiscing or thinking about where we would be today if you had just tried, like you said you were going to. You once told me someone sucked the soul out of you, and that’s what you did to me. But I won’t let you do it anymore. The difference between you and me, is that I’m taking back what’s mine. I will find my soul again and sew it back in where it used to be, even if it is a little bit scratched up.
While you’ll always be in the back of my mind tucked away somewhere, I will find happiness and love with someone else. I’ll find success in my life, with school, and work, and ways that I can’t even dream of because there’s so much left for me to see and do. You’ll be there as a distant memory, someone that I used to know, but you won’t be the one to hold me back any longer.