1. You can’t stay at a job for more than a few months. All of your bosses are idiots, all of your coworkers are incompetent, all of your clients “don’t get it,” all of the work you do is pointless. This can definitely be the case on occasion, but if you’ve cycled through six jobs in four months, it’s probably just you.
2. Whenever you complain about something to a group of friends, they all just kind of nod along without affirming you. “You mean, your roommates were upset that you invited a Craigslist stranger to stay on your couch for three weeks? So weird…” You hear the phrase, “Yeah, that sucks” pretty frequently.
3. Everyone gets along with, and respects, this one person in your friend group — except for you. You don’t understand why you’re the only one “who sees it.” Probably you’re just jealous, unless you have some sort of top secret information that, miraculously, no one else seems to have. I know you probably “feel it in your gut,” but not everyone can trust their intuition — specifically people who always seem to have problems that they blame other people for.
4. You’ve had more relationships than a broom has bristles. If it has the sex organ you like and a head full of hair, you’re dating it. And you’re calling it your boyfriend. And you’re telling all your friends. And you’re sure that this time, it’s for real. Every single time.
5. Speaking of relationships, all of yours have a shelf-life of three weeks. Seriously, you’ve had English muffins that’ve lasted longer. It takes weeks for most people to even figure out if they want to commit to someone else exclusively, but you manage to surge through every stage of courtship and dating (including the breakup) in the time it takes to receive an international package.
6. You’re the odd roommate out, every where you live. Sure, roommates with closer bonds can make you feel like they’re conspiring against you, but this shouldn’t be a pattern. If it is, you should probably look into living alone.
7. People have legitimately sat you down and had interventions with you to call you out for bad behavior. You know you’re out of control when people have to schedule a date, make sure there are witnesses around, and practice what to say to you just to address you about your behavior. Most of us just pick up on passive aggressive hints. If you require a bomb squad for what should be a civil chat, know that you’re scary and something about you makes confrontation difficult.
8. You have a huge network of friends, but no one wants to help you find employment. This is a very, very bad sign. When you’ve run out of people to vouch for you, you’re maybe, probably, definitely the problem.