We all have met that person, the one out of a group that catches our eye, makes us weak in the knee, and makes our imagination run wild. That one person who you meet and know without a doubt that you must have or possess, and while, for the most part, these feelings are not triggered by sanity or even a realistic assessment of your current situation, the fact is that we all occasionally find someone we simply must pursue, for better or for worse.
I’m not here to tell you whether it’s right or wrong to pursue such passions; I’m simply here to tell you how to win what you desire, whether for one night, one week, a month or several years. There are definite strategies for seduction, ones I know very well, as my job and life has been centered around the art of seduction for the past 12 years now (note: I work in the sex industry). I can’t tell you much about true love because that’s not what I deal with—I handle passion and I handle eroticism. So take these pieces of advice as they lay; a few nuggets of wisdom to assist you in your next conquest. If it turns into true love, fantastic, but possessing someone erotically is absolutely not the same as having someone truly love you (or vice versa). Just to be clear here.
So without further ado, commence the games, as all seduction is strategy. Let no one tell you otherwise.
10. Always smell nice.
I know this seems obvious but truly of all senses, the sense of smell rules the erotic and sensual. Smell bypasses logic and goes straight to emotion, and on a primal level, a bad smell is supremely off putting. No matter how good at everything else you are, if you smell bad, you’ll never have a chance. Ever. And always smell the same. Program your seduction object to think of you whenever they smell your perfume. Embed yourself in their brain. It’s as easy as smelling good and smelling the same. Nothing more is needed.
9) Be on your best behavior (most of the time).
Again, this should go without saying, but it’s funny how often people forget this. Be NICE. Smile at their jokes, even if they aren’t funny. Remember, this isn’t about true love, it’s about getting what you want and being nice is the surest way to get someone to do what you want them to do. Make it easy for them to be around you. Treat them with care. Most of the time that is, which leads me to my 8th point…
8) Add a small amount of drama.
Be nice 90% of the time. But as many have pointed out: if things are easy all of the time, people tend to view them as fake or unreal. So you must add a bit of drama every so often to keep your seduction object intrigued and to keep them from thinking that you’re being fake or that you’re limpid and boring. Despite how nice it sounds, being around someone who always agrees with you is hella boring. Add some spice, but use it with caution. And whatever you do, do not have a full meltdown tantrum, or in any way, expose insecurity on your end.
7) Do not fall prey to fantasy.
While it’s easy to get caught up planning your wedding with your newest crush, be real with yourself about who and what they are. Ask yourself with total honesty what you want out of the relationship. Do you want something real? Or do you just want to seduce them and possess them for awhile? This is important because while the initial stages of seduction are similar for both cases, the second phase of the relationship is vastly different. Plus, the qualities that you look for in a long term partner should be very different than the qualities you look for in a short term hook up. So be real and don’t delude yourself or get lost in your own games.
6) Be good in bed.
I can’t begin to tell you how important this is if you’re gonna be a seductress or seducer. Of course real relationships have more to them than just sex, but if you’re looking to seduce someone, be good at the thing with which you’re looking for. Have experience. I could write another article about what constitutes being good in bed, as it’s very complex, but what it doesn’t entail is anything you’d see in a porno movie. Pornos are not sex, at least they are not enjoyable sex. If your desire is to become better in bed, I suggest practice. And remember, intimacy and sex are not just about the physical actions of sex—they are about touching another person’s skin, touching their neck, arousing them. Erogenous zones can be found all over a person’s body, not just their crotch. So take it slow. And perfect your craft.
5) Never discuss former lovers.
The last thing anyone you’re seducing wants to hear about are your former lovers. Never, ever, under any circumstance, even if they ask, discuss this topic with them. Brush off all questions with a mysterious giggle, or just silence. You should never act like anyone will come before or after their time in your life. People are run by ego, and the surest way to alienate anyone is to alienate their ego. Truth has it’s time and place, and the initial stages of seduction are home to neither.
4) Make full use of the power of distance.
In remembering that seduction is a game, you must use what moves are conducive to winning vs. what moves feel right to you at the time. If your goal is to seduce someone, make full use of the power of distance. More than any other move in your arsenal, distance brings about desire. Don’t answer texts for a few days. Be emotionally cool and reserved. Despite the desire to always be available to the person you’re interested in, let me tell you honestly that the most unattractive trait is someone who is too interested in you. Men especially enjoy working for what they want; it’s in the human nature to suspect anything that comes along too easily. So be present, but distant. When you feel things become too intimate, put some distance between the two of you by not answering your phone, and then giving a vague reason why you didn’t answer. Remember, these are games. If you capture someone’s heart, you have more time to be honest later on. Which brings me to my next point…
3) Don’t be direct.
Whatever you do, do not be direct. When has it ever been seductive for someone to walk up to you and say “I want to have sex with you, do you want to have sex with me?”. Answer: never. People like the game and the mystery of being seduced, and the antithesis of this is total honesty. So while advice columns always harp about “being honest with your partner”, remember that total honesty will keep a partner but never catch one. Everyone says they hate “love games” but everyone loves to be seduced. It’s not correct to admit that seduction is a game, but that’s the reality, and in keeping with accomplishing your goals, the reality in this instance is much more valuable to you.
2) Don’t use a hard sell.
What is a hard sell? Again, it’s a blatant, in your face method. For instance, a hard sell would be “Do you want to buy my car?”. You never, as stated above, use this method for seduction. Instead, use a soft sell, be gentle and take your time, and create a situation where your seduction object is convinced that they are the one choosing to be with you vs. you convincing them that they should be with you. It’s a slight distinction, but most important of all. Love games exist entirely to convince someone that it’s their choice to be with you, when in fact, you were the one choosing them all along.
1) Never show your hand.
Above all else, never show your hand, meaning that you should always keep your plans and your goals and your seduction strategy a secret. Remember that this is a strategic game, and that whatever you’re doing to seduce this person, if exposed, could ruin it all. Keep your mouth shut about your goals and plans, to both your seduction partner and mutual friends. I cannot overstate the power of mystery and discretion, and in the age of social media and blogs, it’s easy to spill it all. It’s easy to send a simple “I like you” text to the person you’re interested in. What’s harder is to keep your hand close, and to keep it close until you’ve won their attention and their affection. Plus, if you end the game too quickly, the desire you’ve stoked will end quickly as well. If you’re playing for the long term, keep the game going until you feel you’ve gotten what you want. And remember this: what’s hard and unique and rare wins; what’s common and easy always fails by nature of it’s ubiquity. Choose a different way of approaching them and stand out from the crowd.
The saying “all’s fair in love and war” has been around for a long time. In previous decades, the art of seduction and the thrill of the chase were recognized for what they were—a decadent game of strategy aimed on winning the affections of a certain person. Unfortunately today we’ve lost appreciation for this art form, and beyond that, we tend to view it as unethical or wrong. By all means it is not; no one is saying that these games will win you a fabulous husband or wife or true and enduring love. All those things depend on a host of other factors. All I’m giving you advice on here is seduction, or the game of getting and keeping the opposite sex’s attention. What you do with that attention is entirely up to you.