20 Steps To Self-Diagnosing Your Vulnerability
By China White
1. Spend the summer at your university taking a summer course.
2. Meet a tall, dark, handsome mysterious guy, and go food shopping with him one weekend. Decide that he’s on your ‘target list’ as soon as school starts back up again in the fall.
3. Go home until August, and don’t think about him.
4. Come back, and accidentally find yourself in a situation in which you share how fed up you are with your religion because there’s too much emphasis on the worldly, and not enough about the spiritual.
5. Let him loan you a book that talks about this. Read part of it and enjoy it.
6. Have a really deep and meaningful conversation one night about your values, beliefs, and lives in front of a mega church in Texas one night. Realize that spiritually, you have a lot in common, and understand that his good looks complement yours perfectly as well.
7. Start dating. Bring him to a party. Realize that he doesn’t drink, and you do. Picture yourself marrying him someday, even if it’s only been a few days. Laugh at the absurdity of that thought.
8. Hold his hand. Note in your drunkenness that physical touch is almost always initiated by you.
9. Hang out with him during the week. Realize that he never sits too close to you. Recognize that he actually never touches you.
10. Become incredibly insecure about this. Ask yourself and your friends multiple times what it is you are doing that makes him not want to touch you. Joke about how all you want is a kiss from him-you’re not looking to jump in his bed anytime soon.
11. Take him to this really romantic spot on campus, have another deep conversation, and give him the perfect opportunity to kiss you. Wonder why he doesn’t. Feel even more insecure.
12. Tell your problems to your guy friends. Listen to the really, really attractive guy visiting from New Zealand when he looks you in the eyes and tells you that you’re too beautiful to be treated like this. Decide to break up with boyfriend.
13. Break up with him the next day, randomly, without warning, after ignoring him for two days. Don’t tell him why. Confuse him and hurt him.
14. Have a three-day romance with the guy visiting from New Zealand, knowing that you’ll never see him again. Love it because you know he’ll be gone and you won’t be hurt. Almost give him your virginity. For some unknown reason, don’t.
15. Realize that maybe you made a mistake by not telling the truth. Go back to your ex and ask to try again. Apologize, but still don’t tell him the whole story. Lie a little. Be incredibly surprised and hurt when you’re rejected for the first time in your life. Vow to never give another guy your heart for a long time.
16. Get pissed. Second semester start drinking much more. Make out and hook-up with an arbitrarily large number of guys. Talk bad about your ex to everyone. Feel good about yourself because you’re not getting hurt.
17. Wake up one morning a few months later feeling very empty. Realize that life is too short to keep up your guard. Remember how your dad hurt your mom, but in the end, know you won’t settle for someone who doesn’t love you with all his heart. Wonder about this sudden change in mindset. Begin to lead a different life, one that you enjoy; soak up the days in which you are productive, happy and honest with everyone. Get a cool tattoo.
18. That summer, become friends with said ex. In fact, become very close friends. On top of that, why don’t both of you take on leadership roles in your college ministry? Drive to Austin with him and two of your other guy friends. Have another deep conversation. Let him loan you another book. This time, read more than half. Start to remember what drew you to him in the first place.
19. Recognize that in the last eight months, both of your have grown significantly, and learned a lot from you past experiences. Note changed life plans, new mentalities, and better attitude. Point out that you both know there’s an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed. Pick a time to meet tomorrow.
20. Prep for tomorrow. Decide to tell him everything. Tell him what happened. Let him know that you’re unsure of how he feels about you. Tell him that you aren’t completely over him, but still not sure exactly how you feel about him. Don’t hide anything. This time, be vulnerable.