Our love was fleeting, transient, but its effect on me, perpetual. And this, perhaps, is the most tragic part about this. The fact that I carry all of the memories, feelings, and sensations of you in me, but you yourself are gone.
I had just moved to your city. You were about to move to another. Why life allowed us to meet and connect so intensely—so unpredictably—and fall in love so deeply before you had to go, we will never know.
Your leaving was the equivalent of being rudely and abruptly awakened from a heavenly, comforting dream. To open my eyes hurt. A lot.
You felt so good. Though you were new to me, you felt so familiar- so warm. Your energy was like the radiant sun peeking through the cracks of a bedroom window on a Saturday morning. I felt high with you.
It was difficult to make sense of it all. Your sudden entrance. Your sharp exit. Everything that ensued in between. Perhaps there were too many emotions to process at once. Too short of a period of time to process them.
Or perhaps we aren’t and will never be prepared to handle moments like these. These unforeseen circumstances of life that create such a lasting imprint. That build us while breaking us. That leave us dumbfounded.
Months later, I am still recovering from you. I’ve been racking my brain looking for meaning. Looking for an answer as to why the Universe allowed for such a beautifully intense collision, just to tear it apart shortly after.
If you’re reading this, please know that your leaving caused me pain. It was easier to pretend I had never met you after you had left. To pretend you never existed. To pick fights with you over the phone. That was my mistake. It hurt too much.
But if anything, I want you to know I am thankful. You taught me to accept the impermanence of life and the beauty in the unexpected. It’s in our nature to not want to accept a difficult reality. It’s in our nature to want what feels good for as long as possible. You taught me that though we try, we can never change what is already written. You had to go. I had to stay.
Thank you for generating new and raw emotions and sensations in me. For provoking old ones to surface. For eliminating any negative ones and not giving them a chance to enter. You took me to depths I did not know existed.
Thank you for introducing me to new galaxies of thought, ideas, music. For giving me hope that good people do in fact exist in this world.
Thank you for fighting for me when it got hard. For us. For the passion, the fire, the tears. For the perfect imperfections.
Our love was fleeting, transient, but its effect on me, perpetual.
I hope we meet again unexpectedly someday. And if the Universe allows for it, I hope this time it’s written that you stay.