What It’s Like To Not Be An Affectionate Person

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I’m sorry to say this, but although people have been lead to believe that every person, in some way or form, enjoys the act of showing affection, that idea is incorrect. I know this because I am the person who openly snarls at couples in public, and pushes you away when you try to hug me. It’s not because my parents didn’t love or hug me enough, trust me my mother is an over hugger and hates this quality of mine. It’s also not because I am a terribly bitter person, because I am not. The only way I can explain it is that when someone acts lovey towards me, I feel as if I am being forced to walk around a music festival wearing a sign that says “Free Hugs”. I am just not fond of the idea of showing affection.

1. Seeing couples act affectionate in public makes you want to puke.

We get it, you’re in love, but why must you constantly touch and kiss each other when you are out in public with other people. You go out with friends just to end up having your friend and her boyfriend groping each other in the corner of the bar while you try to get a word in hoping they will stop for air just for a second. And let’s not even get into those couples that sit on the same side of the booth at restaurants. What is the point? It’s one of those things that you will never understand.

2. You’ve been told you have a black hole for a heart or that you are flat out heartless.

This is one of the more difficult aspects of not being affectionate. It’s not that you dislike people, at least most of the time, but you’d rather have your space and distance from people. You can show that you care about the people in your life in other ways. While yes, sometimes your input on certain situations may seem as if you don’t have a heart or any feelings, you know that isn’t the really why you act this way. Instead you know your sarcastic and unemotional comments on life are how you show a person you love them.

3. You are incapable of being sensitive or comforting people when they need it.

The only way to explain this problem is if you’ve ever seen the 30 Rock episode where Liz is throwing up in the bathroom of a hotel and Jack is rubbing her with a broomstick. He wants to comfort her, but he cannot physically get closer to her. It’s not that you don’t want to be able to help people when they come to you but you get awkward and always say the wrong thing. Sometimes people come to you with their problems and they don’t want the honest answer, they want a friend. You do however have the capability of knowing when they can’t handle the honest answer so you end up awkwardly commenting on something else in an attempt to change the subject.

4. Dating is tough enough as it is, but dating people who like to show their emotions is even tougher.

Every relationship you find yourself in ends the same way. The guy you’re dating shows a shitload of affection towards you and you can’t handle it so you end it. No one you’ve dated understands why you are this way. If you love them, you should be able to show it physically, right? Wrong. Just because you’ve fallen for a person and do truly care about them, doesn’t mean your view on affection has miraculously changed. And every guy thinks they can change you, but the truth is they can’t.

5. On top of that you are very terrible at romance and expressing any sort of feelings towards another person.

Flirting comes easy, but anything beyond that makes you cringe from the inside out. There is however other ways you show affection towards those you love, it’s just not the typical lovey way that most people show they care for someone. You didn’t watch rom coms as a kid and dream of the man you would one day meet and fall head over heels for. You struggle to be affectionate in the way that people normally are but instead it comes off as silly or awkward.

6. Your friends and family are constantly reminding you of this aspect of your life.

Eventually you’ll learn that this is not a bad trait to have. You weren’t raised poorly and you don’t have an emotional issue, you’re just programmed differently than others. The people around you will joke with you about it and hopefully you are the type of person who can take it and smile. Deep down you know there are significant people in your life who you love and who you cherish having in your life. No matter how many sarcastic and unemotional comments you make, they know you love them too. TC mark

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