Browsing through the Internet, I see a lot of articles on how to get the man you want, or what the desirable ways to flirt are. But what I don’t see is any articles about the times you’re out with your friends having a perfectly good night, and suddenly you get hit on by some guy who clearly isn’t getting the hint that you don’t want to talk to him. Why is it that there is not many articles about being a strong independent woman who isn’t interested in being hit on? That’s where I come in.
There are many reasons why a woman could be alone in at a bar or a restaurant, or anywhere in public. Maybe they just had a terrible fight with their roommate or significant other. Or it’s possible that they just had a rough shift at work and wanted a drink. It could even be that they enjoy being out alone because it feels freeing. Doesn’t matter why they are alone, it doesn’t give men any right to jump in and fuck up their solo time.
A few weeks ago, a few friends of mine came to meet me at a bar by where I work. I go there often and am friendly with a bunch of the employees. As my sister and I sat and had a drink, waiting for our other friends to arrive, two guys approached us, clearly intoxicated. My sister started to engage but I immediately cut her off and said we’re not interested and pointed at my friend behind the bar and said he was my boyfriend. Side notes: he’s not my boyfriend, but when I go there alone after work, I use that line a lot.
My sister was laughing, and preceded to tweet, “I will never tire of watching @cheydunn sharply dismiss men who try to talk to us at the bar. She has a gift.”
While this made me laugh it also got me thinking. Why does it come as a surprise that I straight up tell a guy when I’m not interested? Men do it all the time, whether it is ignoring a text or call, or just full on disregarding you all together. I don’t understand the concept of why women can’t be strong towards men without being seen as bitchy or rude.
Just because I am a woman who happens to be alone somewhere, does not mean that I want random guys to approach me and hit on me. Not only does it make me feel uncomfortable, because I have no real backup, but it also gives me the feeling that men believe all women have the desire to be hit on at any given time. That is not the case, and if you are one of the people who believe that, it’s time to rethink your approach to women.
The argument that men have made to me on this subject is that they are complimenting me by hitting on me and I should take it as a good thing. Great, compliment me and then walk away. Men shouldn’t expect me to give them anything in return. If I wanted to start up a conversation with you, I would. But when you can clearly see that the look on my face says I’m not interested, back off.
Girls shouldn’t grow up being told that they cannot be assertive with men on any topic, especially not this one. They shouldn’t be taught that men have this power over women and that if they attempt to have the power, they will be seen as undesirable. Instead, teach them that there can be equality when it comes to how we are seen for being firm and self-confident in what we are saying or doing.
If a man thinks it’s unattractive for me to know what I want, then I don’t want that man. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to the guys that hit on me when I tell them I’m not interested. Instead, it should be respected and understood.