As a 23-year-old girl, I’ve had my heart broken a few times. I’m not talking about those relationships as a kid where you hold hands in the hallway at school, but sincere relationships, where you bond as actual people. Having your heart broken is a real – but not everybody responds in the same way, and not everybody learns from where they went wrong.
Some cry, eat ice cream, talk shit about their ex and then continue to make the same mistakes, and that’s not how it should be. The only hope we have for not repeating our history of relationships past is thinking about what went wrong, and what role we played in it.
The last time I had my heart broken, I was able to take a step back and realize I was in a mess all over someone I never really wanted. I didn’t see it because I was in what I call the “love bubble.” It’s a point of delusion at which you can be made to feel like no matter what anyone says, no matter how ill-suited they are in actuality, this is the person. for. you. But it’s not always true. After that breakup, I decided that I needed to understand who I really was before I could understand what I really wanted in someone else.
I hate seeing women who come out of a relationship heartbroken, crying over what they have lost. You may think that person was perfect for you and that you will never find another like them, and you’d be right. You probably won’t find someone just like them, and maybe that’s a good thing. There’s a reason you broke up. There’s a reason it didn’t work. Maybe instead of missing the rose-colored moments, you could have hope that there’s someone else out there who can fill the hole through which your last relationship crumbled.
A relationship cannot work if you do not know what it is you want, and you won’t know what it is you want until you take a step back and learn about yourself. The relationship you have with yourself will always be the most important one in your life, and don’t ever forget it.
Since my last relationship ended, I’ve been discovering myself as a person, and what I’ve found is that most of what I thought I wanted… I actually didn’t want at all. I had myself convinced a certain type of man would be best suited for me, and I was very wrong. After having been with someone with whom there was no honesty (or really, communication at all) I realized just how important that was to me.
I began to look at the past with new eyes, and I started to realize how and why I kept making the wrong choices.
It’s been a year since I have dated anyone, and I finally think I’m starting to understand what it is I really want and need. I’m glad I took this time to decide what would be best for me, and I’m grateful I got to spend this past year enjoying who I am as a person and finding the happiness I always knew was there.
Now that I have found these parts of myself, I feel that I can find someone who I can complement them, and cherish them, and be a part of them. A person who will give me those butterflies people always talk about.
So take the time you need to cry – it’s a healthy reaction to let out your emotions – but don’t put yourself down for long. There is always something to learn from the experiences you had with this person. Pick yourself up and start new.
Once you’ve figured out what it is you need to be comfortable in a relationship, you’ll feel ready to move on. Don’t let your heartbreak get the best of you. Learn who you are as a person and keep looking for the right person. Even if you don’t believe it, there is someone out there for you. They may be right in front of you but until you know who you are, you won’t see them standing there.