To The One I Almost Loved

For all the times I acted tough and strong on the outside, you heard nothing. I’ve never questioned anything when it comes to you. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t bleed. I did, more than you expected it. You have no idea how much I wanted to ask you. I loved you too much, that’s why I settled for anything at some point because I feel like I’d rather have you in my life than not.

Darling, this is the last time I will ever write about you. Even though I knew this was all going to end, I want to commend you for being honest with me. No one knows when my heart will heal again but I know God is always with me. Wherever you are right now, I pray that you’ll be the man our King wants you to be and I wish I can tell you these things personally. You were my greatest blessing… and lesson.

For all the memories I’ve shared with you, I could say that it was the best time I ever had in my life. Just like what I’ve said, that we found each other against all odds. And once we found each other, we loved each other. As a person who values such things above all other attributes, I can’t help but feel we were supposed to find each other and teach each other all the things we know then conquer the world together. Remember those nights that we kept on talking about many things, the possible future of us that lasts for hours until we feel sleepy? And as soon as I woke up, your face is the first thing I’d see. What a great way to start my day. How can I forget that captivating face of yours? You used to be my safe place. No regrets because at some point you were my happiness, you were exactly what I prayed for.

Let this letter be a reminder to you that I will treasure and cherish the bond that we build and established. You will always have a special place in my heart. A part of me will always love you, maybe not in the same way as I’ve loved you before but I always will. Sadness can rent a space inside of me but I just don’t have any vacancies for hatred. Hope you’re happy now.

I promise myself that I will build an empire around my heart.

I will wait for the right man who is brave enough to climb these walls.

I will not settle for less because I know my worth in Christ.

I will never be the same girl as I was when I met you — instead I will be a strong and independent woman, one who knows her Father’s promises for her.

And someday when the right man of God comes along, I will tell him about you because you are the reason why I learned so much about love and I would’ve never met him because of you.

Thank you to the one that God *almost* allowed. I left the door open where you last left, and I’m ready to guard my heart.